How to say goodbye when we cant make the funeral.

[MrsClegane]

Short story... My DNan has died, we (me, dh, children) are due to go on holiday on sunday for 2 weeks. There is no way DN would want us to cancel and lose money.... She'd probably call us silly buggers for even considering it. Anyway, it is likely the funeral will be while we are away.

So I am looking for ideas of how we can say goodbye to her when we return.

I'm thinking, go to her grave and lay flowers, chat a while about her etc, or go to a place she took us to and have a meal in her honour, release balloons/feathers (or something that won't ruin the environment) and say goodbye that way.... any other ideas?

What have you done to say goodbye to a close family member if you haven't been able to attend the funeral?

I wonder if it might be when you are back, in fact? A long wait at a lot of places.

Plan ahead to host a family get together for a year after? Will there be a headstone?

Will everyone have different pictures of her? Maybe make a small album of key pictures of her life and take copies round to family members?

I don't know if it is a burial or cremation yet.... her first husband was buried and I assume she will be buried with him, but then her long term partner died a few years ago and was cremated so she could do that too. She had everything planned so there's no planning to do just wait for a time.

I have no idea how long the waiting time is for funerals?

I think the time varies, ime they are usually withing 2 weeks but others may have other experiences.
So sorry for your loss

I think the idea of visiting the grave is a good one, and the meal in the restaurant she knew.

The waiting time for a funeral varies, so I'm not sure a prediction would help. FWIW, for a recent family funeral it was 3 weeks. If it's around that where she is, then perhaps you will be able to be there (tell whoever is making the arrangements what your dates are, even though you know it's a minor consideration, because if it is just after your return it might help them to know numbers for the wake).

Where are you going on holiday? If either you are or she was religious, could you go to a place of worship at the time of the service and light a candle? Or visit somewhere significant to her, ir peaceful for you?

How about visiting a small local church or peaceful place at the time of the funeral and laying some flowers?

When a family member died overseas I went down to the beach and floated some flowers on the water for her. That helped a little bit.

Sorry for your loss MrsClegane sounds like she was down-to-earth:
There is no way DN would want us to cancel and lose money... She'd probably call us silly buggers for even considering it.

In the past in similar circumstances have gone into a little chapel or a cathedral while on holiday, lit a candle and thought about that person.
When you come home perhaps there's somewhere nice you associate with her?
Really any spot quiet or otherwise where you can think back and remember happy times, it doesn't have to involve candles or flowers.

Depending where you are, there is often a 2 - 3 week wait until the funeral, and, even if there doesn't need to be, there can be if family were happy to wait until you are back.

Our local hospice has a service every few months to remember people who have passed away since the last one - it recognises that not everyone has their own faith and is quite restrained on the religion side.
Or, if you have a Christian faith, many Churches have an annual service to remember those who have passed in the previous 12 months.
Many people would prefer to get together with family and go for a meal somewhere the person who died would have liked - it sounds as if your Nan might approve of that ?

My FIL was not able to travel to be at my DD's funeral as he is frail, 91 and lives a 4 hour drive away. My MIL managed to come but it meant that SIL had to stay and look after FIL.

DD's favourite colour was pink so at 1.00pm - the time of the funeral, FIL and SIL had a 'pink' lunch which consisted of prawns and smoked salmon, washed down with pink fizz. We also got FIL to choose a poem to be read at the funeral and niece who read it announced this before reading it.