If you lost a parent as a child, did you notice any stigma?

[stinky81]

Just that really. I lost my dad very suddenly as a child and, equally suddenly, became the object of a lot of pity, intrusive questions and hideously misplaced and insensitive acts of 'charity' at school and in my community. We were a pretty comfortable, middle class family and financially we were lucky enough that that didn't change with my dad's death, but suddenly everyone assumed we were poor, or in need of therapy, and it felt like as a family we had to constantly prove that we were coping. Was it just me? Did anyone else ever feel like this and if so, do you still feel like that now? Only I still do, and it's been almost twenty years.

No. Well done for coping, but maybe you coped because you knew people had your back?
I did experienced the intrusive questions and fake acts of charity with old hole ridden clothes though.

Like sixinthebed, I found the opposite. It wasn't spoken about to the point it was a taboo subject. Which also had a negative impact on me emotionally and my mental health.

Thanks guys.
Maybe I was just too angry at the time to accept anyone's 'help'. I just remember desperately wanting to pretend it hadn't happened, but I completely understand that being different for other people.

I lost my mum when I was 14. My brothers 9,10. The next year we were taken into care due to abuse from my dad.

I then pinged between bedsits and have always felt very isolated and socially awkward. My dads family never kept in contact, my mums family always treated me as a poor wee poppet who just didn't know how to be a grown up. To the point I cut contact 2 years ago after the birth of my 2nd child.

I have found that being a child who lost a parent left me in limbo.

It's my husband and I and our son. My first child is grown and moved out.

It wasn't until I started doing psychology in my Nursing degree that I felt that I was actually worthy and that people had placed me in a box and expected me to be a certain person.

I'm not the same person I was and finally feel like I have grown up

I lost my dad when I was 11 very suddenly and my mum ended up suicidal in psychiatric hospital following that. I must say, I can't complain about the amount of practical help we got from my mum and dads friends and family. We were always fed and clothed. However, mine and my brothers' emotional health was completely ignored by everyone including friends, family and the school and nobody ever asked us how we were or discussed it. I have been told since by a counsellor that I was 'never allowed to grieve' for my lovely dad (he was brilliant) as my mum was so poorly. I think it's true and it's something that's come to bite me in the bum as an adult.

I'm not resentful about this though, it's just the way things were in what was a terrible time. It was also the 80's when childrens' mental health wasn't really seen as very important.