how do I keep our friendship

[umma]

My friend had a miscarriage last year, in the mean time I became pregnant (both trying at the same time) and have recently had the baby. Communication has been limited to a couple of phone calls and as you can imagine its very difficult. She refuses to see me with the baby, is very down and negative about everything.

How do I approach things.Is it possible that our friendship can survive?

Thank you xx

I'm not sure really, Just be there for when she does feel better. It sort of happened to me but with my sister i miscarried at 6 weeks and amonth of so later she said she was 8 weeks pregnant. It is abit of a kick in the teeth and perhaps this is what your friend feels like, she might be suffering from depression and cant' get herself out of it. Don't abandon her now, just let her know that when she's ready you're there. Perhaps send her a letter to explain maybe?? I hope your friendship survives. Sorry not much help.

I think I would continue with the odd phobe call. When she eventually does have a baby, I am sure your friendship will re-ignite.

I have been in the same situation, but the other way round IYSWIM. When I had a miscarriage my friend went on to have a healthy baby. I couldn't handle too much contact with her. She even said a few months later " You should have a baby, It's great" . I was furious and really upset but didn't say anything. What did she think I'd been trying to do FFS?

Fast forward a few years and I had 2 children by then, and she was just about to have her second and we are good friends. So hang on in there and it will probably be OK.

Sorry for being long-winded!

I had a m/c and about three weeks later my friend invited me round to dinner and excitedly told me she was pregnant. She muttered something about, 'sorry, bad timing for you. Anyway, back to me ...'
I remember leaving there house feeling guilty for being unable to be happy for her.

We went on to have four kids each at similar intervals and we're very close friends.

I can see why your friend is upset but I don't think there's much you can do. Give her space and she'll come back when she's pregnant again.

This is tough. i recently had a miscarriage and my SIL has just found out that she is pregnant. Of course I'm very happy for her but I am also insanely jealous. I keep thinking that I should be pregnant to. This is my problem though not my SIL's. I certainly wouldn't let her know that I feel this way for a minute and I keep thining how lucky I am to have a niece or nephew on the way.This is a problem your friend has to sort out not you. Just give her space and I'm sure she'll come around.

I think a m/c affects different people to different degrees. It is also possible that she has had more than one, but hasn't told you about the others because you were pg. I told one of my friends about my first one, but was so devastated by the second one that I felt it was too sensitive and private to share with her.

I agree with the others. Just keep in touch with the odd phone call and as and when she has a successful pg, I'm sure things will improve...

wow thank you so much for your messages so far...I appreciate your comments. I was thinking along the same lines, that things wont be the same until she is pregnant again, although this has never been said I think this is just how it will be now. I don't think I'll actually see her until she is expecting again (and I really hope this happens soon for her).

Just so you know, I have been ultra sensitive about the baby...hardly discussed him or birth etc, which is strange for me because it's such a big thing in my life IYSWIM. But I would never make any remarks that would upset.

So I shall just have to give her time and I suppose the balls in her court now.

Thank you again. xx