Telling DCs someone close to them has died

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My best friend died almost two weeks ago, and because DD was about to go away for two weeks we haven't told her yet. She will be coming back on Sunday and I need to think about how to tell her and support her.

DD is almost 7, DS is 3. My best friend was like a cross between an aunt and another Mum to them. We were especially close because we lived abroad and didn't know anyone else from the UK there. They hadn't seen her for a few months, and I had told DD that bf was ill and was going to die, but she tended to laugh whenever we spoke about it, which makes me think that she was confused and finding it hard to deal with.

I'm really sad about bf too, and missed the funeral so I worry that I'm not in a good position to be the wise and sensible one anyway.

I've generally found being honest, and just telling them

"I've got some sad news I'm afraid. Aunt X has now died from her illness"

Wait, and see what they say.
Answer questions honestly but don't give them loads of detail they won't necessarily want or need.

Generally children are very accepting of death.

Thanks BackForGood.

That's what I was planning to do, I think I am mostly worried about her not being able to express her feelings, which is what she tends to do, or me just finding it hard to see her upset. I am a bit of a wimp.

My kids are 6&10 now and have lost both grandads in the space of a few months. They were very close to them both. They've both dealt with it remarkably well - I was more worried about dd (6) tbh as she bottles things up more than ds but they really are ok.

I literally sat them down and said 'I've got some sad news, grandad X has died'. I made it clear it was ok to be upset but also that it was ok to be ok if that makes sense? It was ok to laugh and smile and carry on with life just as it was ok to have a cuddle and cry then and also in the future when things happened that just made them remember iyswim?

Be prepared for dark chats - dd in particular 'mummy remember your dads dead so don't buy a Father's Day card' as they process it and also make sure they can ask lots of questions - things we won't have thought of will worry them - ds was worried grandad was just asleep and not dead

I'm sorry for your loss

I'm so sorry for your loss Haudyerwheesht.

I know it shouldn't but your DDs comment about a Father's Day card made me smile. It's good that she is processing her loss. Your poor DS.

DS is only three and is currently confused about death and falling down, so he will come home from nursery and say "Mummy, at nursery my friend pushed me and made me dead." so I'm a bit concerned about what he will understand.

I don't mean to sound like I'm complaining, but because we were friends and not family, I don't feel like I have an ongoing connection to her or a place that the DCs can associate with her. We didn't have a group of friends, it was always just us, and I never met her family. I'm not especially close to her husband either, although he is very nice.