Lost my darling Mum

[rosebudtwinkletoes]

Hello,

My amazing Mum has passed away. It doesn't seem real at all as she was the centre of everything; our whole family and my whole world. She had such energy, can't believe it's finished.

I am an avid reader and often dive into literature to help me through things or make sense of things. This might not be the place to ask but can anyone recommend a novel (not a self-help book) that deals with grief, losing your Mum or someone so close?

I would be so grateful for recommendations.

Hello, I can't give you any recommendations I'm afraid but just wanted to say I'm sorry you've lost your lovely mum. I lost mine 18 months ago from cancer aged 67 and it's tough but does get better. You miss them but remember them so fondly

I am sorry for the loss of your mum. I lost my dad a few years ago. This may not be for everyone which is fine but I recommend 'the afterlife is real' by Theresa Cheung. I thought it was actually quite interesting and thought provoking. She states quite clearly that there can be no definite proof but writes her experiences and presents these for you to think about and make up your own mind.

I'm so sorry you lost your lovely mum.

I didn't use this book for loss or grief but it helps me make sense of the world when I was going through a painful time. I was extremely low, scared and ill. The Tao of pooh and te of piglet by Benjamin Hoff. It compares the W T Pooh stories with Taoism. It's very sweet and very spiritual. It's hard to describe it- he writes conversations with Pooh and has examples from the books and you realise how very deep and clever and beautiful they were.

I also read the hitch hikers guide to the galaxy at that time too. I don't know why that book helps, but it does.

Much love

So sorry to hear your news.
I can't think about a novel dealing with grief, but how about going complex to leave little mental space until you are ready. Wind up bird chronicle by murakami may deflect other thoughts until you are ready to deal with the pm.

I'm so sorry. MY DM was killed in a car accident last year, she would have turned 70 today so your thread caught my eye. No advice about the books, but my thoughts are with you.

I've read lots of books that have got me through some very trying times in my life. None of those times match up to what you are going through and grieving for now so I feel cheeky suggesting them.
I will instead say that revisiting some of my favourite childhood stories has always helped me with loss albeit it not as keen as yours. When I lost one of my dearest childhood friends to cancer two years ago I found reading stories out loud to my first child who was too young to understand really helped. His bright, intent little face watching me somehow made me think it was OK to understand life went on as it must.
I'm so sorry for your loss. 🌹

I am sorry that your Mum has passed away.

During bereavement and difficult times in my own life, I have found comfort in the following - they mostly are deeply personal explorations of the author's own suffering and their attempts to rationalise it.

I hope that you are able to find some moments of comfort and peace during this most difficult and turbulent time.

Commentary by Marcelle Sauvageot
"I could let myself be a mess…the kind of lyrical, unexpected mess where every instinct is surrendered in words or cries so that later, the sure-handed steering of the soul can return it to its path to continue on"

H is for Hawk by Helen Macdonald
“There is a time in life when you expect the world to be always full of new things. And then comes a day when you realise that is not how it will be at all. You see that life will become a thing made of holes. Absences. Losses. Things that were there and are no longer. And you realise, too, that you have to grow around and between the gaps, though you can put your hand out to where things were and feel that tense, shining dullness of the space where the memories are.”

A Very Easy Death by Simone de Beauvoir
‘When someone you love dies you pay for the sin of outliving her with a thousand piercing regrets. Her death brings to light her unique quality; she grows as vast as the world that her absence annihilates for her and whose whole existence was caused by her being there; you feel that she should have had more room in your life – all the room, if need be’.

A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis
"It doesn’t matter–not much–if my memory of her is imperfect. Images, whether on paper or in the mind, are not important for themselves. Merely links. Take a parallel from an infinitely higher sphere. Tomorrow morning a priest will give me a little round, thin, cold, tasteless wafer. Is it a disadvantage–is it not in some ways an advantage–that it can’t pretend the least resemblance to that with which it unites me? I need Christ, not something that resembles Him. I want Joy., not something that is like her."

💐
So sorry

A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis

On the strength of this post, I got this out of the library, and can't recommend it too highly. It's very well written and gets to the heart of the experience of Lewis's grief. I read it in one sitting - it's not long.

It's also online as a PDF:

korycapps.files.wordpress.com/2012/11/cs-lewis-a-grief-observed.pdf

I'm so sorry for your loss. The 4th year anniversary of my mum dying is about to come up, I struggle every day with it.
My son and I love Sad by Michael Rosen, he lost his son at 18 to meningitis. Its not a self help book but beautifully puts into words all the things that you feel.

Not a novel but it might be a thought, On Life After Death by a lady called Elizabeth Kubler-Ross.
So sorry for your loss x

Hi op. So sorry for your loss. I haven't read the book myself I briefly came across it as it was written by the mother of one of the Manchester arena victims and I recall the book covered bereavement. Bears have issues too

Thank you all for your kind suggestions and words of comfort. I will be picking up all of these; it can't hurt can it?!

If any of you are interested, I have just read Before I Say Goodbye by Ruth Picardie. A truly amazing book that I couldn't put down. I literally would walk around the house reading it...

I look forward to reading the others, thank you again

I am so sorry for the loss of your lovely mum.

My lovely mum died 2 years ago, and she sounds much like yours as was definitely the centre of everything. She was absolutely my best friend and it is only recently that I can talk about her sometimes without crying.
She died in an accident so there was no preparation or time to say goodbye.

I have just bought Grief is the thing with feathers by Max Porter. The reviews seem good.

I'm so sorry. May she rest in peace