If I go to sleep will it all be over?

[Greensheepfleece]

My Mum died very unexpectedly of cancer 7 weeks ago, when it all happened I was in complete shock. But over the last 3 weeks it's really hit me. I have no emotional resilience to anything and I'm getting made redundant from where I have worked for 10 years in 4 weeks time. (That's not a shock I've known about that since December).

At work I'm fine, at home I'm a complete mess, I know this whole thing takes times but I don't feel like I'm coping. If I go to bed at 6pm every night will my mind process it all without me, or do I need to be physically and mentally present?

Sometimes I'm sad but most of the times I just feel a complete inability to cope, something completely trivial sets me off and I'm upset about the most ridiculous things, nothing to do with my Mum. I thought I would be sad, and I'm am sad and angry, but most of the time I just feel emotionally exhausted and like I'm running on thin air.

So sorry for your loss. My mum died on 2nd May, I haven't grieved yet I'm terrified for when it hits me because I know I won't cope, every time her death or mum comes into my head I'll shed a couple of tears and then I push the thoughts out. I know this isn't good for me but I think it's self preservation. Before she died, and I spent every minute of every day and night with her for weeks, I went down stairs to get a drink and I had to step outside, I was furious and so frustrated and was jumping up and down with the bereft feeling inside me and saying if I'm like this now how will I be when she goes, I've never experienced a feeling like that before as it was utter, utter sorrow. Maybe that's why my brain won't let me grieve as it's going to be so destroying.
I'm sorry I don't have advice but my thoughts are with you

Hi Bluebells, I'm sorry to hear about your Mum. I work part time and my days off are terrible - the kids are at school and I don't have enough to distract me. I was worried about how it would hit me, but it's been completely different to how I thought. Some days are fine but others are terrible, I just want to get through it but everyone keeps saying it'll take time. Love and hugs to you going through this xxx

So sorry for your loss. I lost my father seven years ago and felt very much as you did. I ended up having a fortnight off work as I couldn't function. Eventually I gave up my job as i just wasn't coping on any level. It affects everyone in different ways, you just have to roll with it and let it play out, but it's really devastating I found. Takes a long time to come to terms with. I think when it's unexpected it's so much harder as there is no time to adjust and process what is going on. It's just such a terrible shock. Big hug. xxx