GM is 102, still here, not here

[Viewofhedges]

Just that really. It's her birthday today and I'm getting ready to visit, but I don't want to go. I hate going to the home, I hate that she is still here, but that she isn't really her, I feel so guilty for not doing more to try and make her "life" more bearable, I hate it that she's gone but not gone. We were so close, and I've grieved for her so badly, and I can't understand why life won't just let her go. 102. And we are 'celebrating' with cake. It's a joke. I'm just so sad for her, and I miss her so much. I don't know why I'm posting this other than to get that off my chest.

So sorry, OP. Hope it went ok.

My gran died at 96- she was desperate to go and used to get sad at her failing body, and tell us she lived too long.
I was sad when she finally passed but relieved that she was at peace and not so worn out and tired anymore.
I don't really know why I'm posting to be honest or what my point is other than to say, I get where you are coming from.

My gran is the same. In a home. Here but not here. Keeps on going. She has outlived her eldest son, my father. When we visit she does not know who we are.

My nan was too like this a few months ago, she's passed now. It was horrible seeing her change and how she was. My advice would be spend as much time as you can, tell her how much she means to you! Watching my nan get ill I used to just want to grab her and hug her, but she was so frail in bed I couldn't . She was in a home for a few months and always asked when she'd be going back home.

It's shit, that's all there is to say. I'm the same with my mum. Don't feel guilty... you know somewhere in your heart if she was herself, she'd tell you to enjoy YOUR life and not feel bad x

When my GM was in her final years, and "not there" anymore, I had a long chat with my mum. My mum told me to visit her if I wanted to see her, but not to go just because I thought I ought to go.

This made perfect sense to me, and made me feel much less guilty about seeing her very infrequently.