Oh how we argued. Oh how we disagreed. She drove me mad. She'd come to stay for weeks on end. She interfered, she criticised. She made me laugh. She was woven through 40 Years of my life. We became close friends. We shared confidences. She comforted me when my own mother died. She loved my children and my husband and in the end me. Somtimes I wasn't kind. Mostly I was a good DiL and I loved her. It wasn't easy watching her die. Towards the end i wondered if she realised how many mistakes she'd made. On the last day I just prayed for her to just stop. Stop breathing. Now she has and I want her back again. I want her back again. Grief is really shitty. All those regrets, all that longing to relive the past, all this emotion. Knowing other people's pain is so much worse than yours and yet mine sears through my heart like a knife.