Gift for beareved mum to be

[Happysea]

Hello. My cousin's husband died in an horrific road traffic accident a couple of weeks ago. She is heavily pregnant and due to give birth in a couple of weeks time. Obviously this time of joy is very much tinged with awful sadness. I would like to get her and the baby a gift when it is born that reflects this mixture of feelings but being positive as well as sensitive to what has happened. Does anyone have any ideas? Many thanks x

Gosh. So difficult.

What I thought was, if the child looks back at the cards their mum got when they were born, what might they want to see? A dad, but not a ghost dad, not overshadowing. Not making their birth sad.

There must be joy at the child's birth for itself. It can't be seen as a prop to bereavement, after all, it was on its way before. The gift, I feel should be exactly what you would send on any other birth. It's the card/letter that's different.

A reference in the card to how proud and happy X's dad would be at this time.

You sound like good friend, Happysea.

Thank you so much for your reply. It means a lot that you have taken the time to help me with this. What you say makes absolute sense and I will do exactly what you suggested. I just wanted to make sure i did the most sensitive thing under the terrible circumstances. Thank you x

I've had another think, which is about the mum.

A short letter, acknowledging the circumstances would be good, quite separate from the happy birth day card.

Hardly anyone writes letters these days, and their effect is quite extraordinary.

I'm so sorry to hear this, my DP died and I was 5 months pregnant. I remember my sister buying me a baby changing table with a baby bath on top and it was the best thing ever.
It was so practical and my mind was not in any state to think of the everyday things that the baby needed.
14 years on from his death I would love something personal to him, that would make me smile but in the beginning it would have been to hard.

My Dd1 died suddenly when I was 7mths pregnant with Dd2. When Dd2 was born I found alot of people didn't mention Dd1 probably because they didn't want to upset me. At the time i just wanted someone to acknowledge her.
This was over a year ago and I can honestly say Dd2 has been the only reason to go on sometimes. Pregnancy hormones and grief don't go well together.

Hope your cousin is ok it's so sad when something like this happens

I'd say choose a normal baby gift and go with the positive - a baby being born safely and well is always something to celebrate, and something that baby can look back on in years to come. I'd say mum needs practical support and help - a meal cooked for her, washing doing, hoovering etc rather than cards and sympathy - I can't even begin to imagine how you cope with that loss.

Thank you everyone. I just can't imagine the pain either and it feels selfish of me to even begin to try. I'm so sorry for your sad stories - x

A letter for the child with some memories of their father would be good. Or a nice box to go with the letter to start as a memory box. I'm heavily pregnant with my first child, my parents both died fairly recently and I'm doing this to make sure she always has a box in her bedroom with things in that will make her feel loved from her grandparents.