Is this normal

[Notsowifeymaterial]

Hi everyone. I don't know who else I can speak to about this. Everyone else has seemed to move on and I feel silly that I'm feeling like this two years later.
I am fully aware I never grieved properly after I lost my mum 2 years ago. I didn't know how to handle it and felt I had to be strong for my younger siblings. I was also 38 weeks pregnant. After she died I had so much to sort out like the funeral, clearing her debts and her council house (she was a hoarder) and then on top of this having my dc2. I liked having these things to take my mind off it though. A few weeks later it was Christmas and my dh proposed and my best friend also got engaged. So the last 2 years have been made up of wedding planning etc.
I got married this year and I don't know if I'm suffering with post wedding blues but I feel I have nothing to look forward to or throw myself into to help me forget.
I feel desperately sad and I miss her so much. I've never been good with showing emotion. I tend to bottle everything inside as I feel there are worse things going on and I can't stand people feeling sorry for me. But then it takes one little thing and I explode and am a wreck.
I've heard of delayed grief but I don't know if that's what I'm experiencing.
I don't even know why I'm posting I just wanted to write it down somewhere to get it off my chest.

Well done for writing it down . Sounds like your busy mind has kept you going.....one thing after another to focus on. My mum died 16 years ago. It still hurts. My lo will never meet her. I go many months without getting upset then....wham!!
What I have learnt is that grief is a very very personal thing. Grieve how you need too. Do not compare it's the most destructive thing ever.
Be kind to yourself, it's a roller coaster but I'm sure you have many happy memories of your mum to make you smile x

for you notso it certainly sounds as though you've barely had time to think since you lost your mum, and now that things are settling down a bit it's "hitting" you.
You are allowed to feel desperately sad and to miss your mum dreadfully. You have high expectations of yourself by the sound of it - would you be able to access some bereavement counselling?
It sounds like you would benefit. I feel for you, I really do. X

This happened to me notso. My younger brother died 6 months before my wedding. After it, I crashed hard.

I am having bereavement councelling now with Cruse. Do get in touch with them - they can help you work through how you're feeling.

Thank you everyone for your kind words. I feel I would benefit from speaking to someone who doesn't know me. I don't want to be a burden to my husband even though he's been incredible.
I just hope id be able to open up as I know I can be very private and reserved x

Also. I'm so sorry for your loss tootsie. Sending big hugs and to you bambino x

OP I'm just like you - very private and reserved even with the people closest to me. I've found counselling very helpful as sometimes it's easier to open up to someone who doesn't know you and won't judge you. That in turn makes it easier to open up to friends etc.

It sounds like you had a lot to deal with after her death. Be kind to yourself. Hugs. xx