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Bereavement

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my head is a shed

2 replies

Dinkiedoo · 30/11/2016 15:33

Its been a long hard year this year . Sons dad died. ( my ex) and his best friend committed suicide a few weeks later .Lots of other stuff happened but it would make this thread way too long.
I am terribly mixed up . I am angry at my ex for not being the dad he should have been . I read his younger children's words on how he was such a good dad and that he was always there for them . He was never there for my son emotionally or financially . I am angry with him and No Im not going to forgive. But sometimes I go over what I had said to him in letters and wonder of they hurt him ?! Then I pull myself up and think ..he hurt me many times over so WTF.
My son has gained a new family .His dad never wanted the kids to meet but now they have they get on so well its amazing. Why did this not happen before ? Why did he see us as totally separate from his new family ?
My sons friends family have also looked after him and treat him as their little brother. My heart is warmed by all this and is a testament to how nice my son is despite his dad .
His dad saw him once a fortnight for about 5 hours. I banned him from my house as he was always making passes or trying to pick an argument. I brought my son up on my own I had my own house no thanks to him ( we were in rented when together but I bought a house when we divorced......he gave up work so he did not have to pay child support...nice) I worked full time to keep a roof over our heads.
I m reading this back and know I am angry . There are no answers as he is dead.

OP posts:
queenofthebucket · 30/11/2016 17:58

Dinkiedoo I had to reply to you as I have been through a similar circumstance re my sons estranged dad died 5 years ago now, and he was a pathetic and dangerous specimen, and I had stopped him from seeing ds because it was not in his best interestt, not the suicide aspect though.
Sorry you and your son are going through this.
I know you are angry and feel your son was cheated of a father but you also know that he was not capable of parenting your son and you had to do the best thing for him.
Somehow, after messing up, he went on to have more children and made a better relationship with them. That is not a reflection on you or your ds, but on him and his weaknesses.
Do you feel that anyone is asking you to forgive him or are you putting that on yourself because he is dead?

Dinkiedoo · 02/12/2016 13:32

No one is asking me to forgive him I think Im putting on myself because he is dead.
I just cant believe what an arse he was and can only wonder why and Cant ask him now .
I won tbad mouth him to any one but would love to put people right about him . I just have to bite my tongue .
Ive met his kids and they are lovely but I havent met the mum .I dont need to .

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