The sudden death of my grandma at the age of 17 has given my really bad anxiety and I have never coped with her passing. She felt like my safe place and that was taken away from me. I loved/love her so much I felt my life used to just revolve around seeing her when I was younger.
A year after her death I self destructed drinking loads ..... having multiple bad relationships for 5 years.
Until I met my husband I now look back and wonder why I acted out so bad I know I need to move forward I am just saddened with how I reacted. I did at beginning of our relationship keep myself to myself and didn't disclose my full self until after marriage...maybe that's when I felt safe?
I still am not 100% with my anxiety I don't think I ever will be but I am getting there.