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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

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Original poster

Dreams about my mum

25 replies

sooperdooper · 02/10/2016 09:07

My mum died last June after a short illness, she was in hospital six weeks and then gone

Just lately I keep having very vivid dreams about her, and for a slight second when I wake up they're so real I can almost believe it's not true and she's still here or they were a real memory and not a dream

Most have been normal everyday things, once she was driving me around in a new car she'd bought (she loved big cars!) and last night we were sitting in a cafe having tea and cake. Only one has been awful, of her still in hospital :(

It upsets me, I'm crying now, but I also don't want them to stop because it feels like she's so alive in my dreams and I miss her so much

Does anyone else have this often? I never had the dreams until about 2 months ago and now it's almost every week

OP posts:

Neverjoketodogs · 02/10/2016 09:17

I lost my mum a year ago and I probably dream about her once a week. Like you they can be very vivid and feel so real. I wake up and miss her all over again. I think it's a normal part of the grieving process.

Truckingalong · 02/10/2016 09:33

They're really unsettling and can take a while to recover from. I had a very emotional dream about my mum a month or so ago and I spent hours in bed afterwards sobbing about it.

FlowerOfTheValley · 02/10/2016 09:45

This happens to me too. The dreams seem so real. My mum hugged me in one of my dreams and I physically felt it in my sleep.

It does hurt so much when you wake and realise it was just a dream but the dreams feel so vivid and real and I take comfort from feeling the closeness to my mum even if it is only in sleep.

I'm very sorry for your loss

Original poster

sooperdooper · 02/10/2016 14:25

Thank you so much for your replies, DH is away this weekend and I was feeling very fragile this morning

I've decided I'm going to channel some energy into something positive today - I've got tonnes of my mums fabric I've been meaning to make into a patchwork quilt, so I'm going to start it this afternoon :)

Thinking of you all too

OP posts:

Mrstumbletap · 02/10/2016 14:33

I lost my mum just over a year ago and I dream about her probably once a month, it's quite nice for me, I like to see her face, talk to her, it helps me not forget her up close.
Hope your ok OP.

Blackpoollassy · 02/10/2016 16:16

My mum died 19 years ago this Xmas. About twice a year now I have the most amazing dreams where I spend the day with her, chat, just normal stuff.
It used to upset me but now I love it as I feel like I've spent some time with her.
Hopefully it will get better for you x

FlowerOfTheValley · 03/10/2016 22:28

The quilt sounds like a lovely idea, I'm sure it will look great and hopefully it will bring some comfort to you too.

scarednoob · 04/10/2016 18:28

I lost my amazing mum 11 years ago and I still dream about her occasionally. but there was a time when it was very regular and very distressing - I am rambling, but just wanted to try and assure you that it will slow down as time passes.

in my dreams I am sometimes furious with her because she has left my dad and I am always always horribly aware that she could disappear/die again at any second so I am always terrified of losing her. and she never ever speaks in the dreams. again, more rambling, I suppose what I am getting at is, I know what it's like to be upset by dreams, but that's all they are, and it's understandable when your mind is working overtime to cope with the grief.

for you. losing a beloved mum is one of the worse things any human has to endure.

mudandmayhem01 · 04/10/2016 18:35

I lost my dad 7 years ago, I dream about him every so often, I look forward to these dreams as my dreams are so much clearer than my waking mental picture of him. Although I feel sad when I first wake up as I re remember he isn't physically with me any more, I find it very comforting that such a clear image, of his voice, visual appearance and mannerisms is stored in my brain. Strangely he is often in his late 40s which is my age now.

Original poster

sooperdooper · 05/10/2016 21:25

Another one last night that was a very disturbing, upsetting one :(

I wish it would just be the ones where she's with me drinking a brew, they're much easier to deal with and can sometimes be a comfort to feel like she's near

OP posts:

mudandmayhem01 · 05/10/2016 22:12

Have a look at imagery rehearsal therapy, it is a sort of cbt that helps you take control of your dreams by rehearsing how you want them to work out whilst you are awake. I haven't tried it but it is meant to quite effective. Your loss is also still very recent,

echt · 06/10/2016 07:14

My DH died suddenly three months ago and oddly, DD and I have had similar dreams about him, all in the first two/three weeks.

In our dreams we know he's dead, but he doesn't (I know, "Sixth Sense" and all that). In the dreams we each wonder if we should tell him but decide not to, and he appears sheepish and hesitant, hardly the characteristics of his energetic and vital self in life.

I haven't dreamt of him since, and would love to.

StCecilia · 06/10/2016 07:18

I've started having extremely vivid dreams about my DGM and she died 10 years ago. I just suddenly really miss her which is ridiculous as it's such a long time ago

Silvamoon · 06/10/2016 15:40

I love dreaming about my mum, who left us last October. It's the waking up that sucks. Now with the anniversary looming and my miracle pregnancy hormones driving me nuts, things are a lot harder to handle.

I turn to God a lot right now but if your not religious try reminding yourself it's her way of saying "hello, I'm still with you, always will be with you and love you very much".

Tears are good for you, never block your emotions. XXXX

FadedRed · 06/10/2016 15:55

When my DDad died, twenty years ago, I have a few of the same sort of dream that Echt describes. I found them distressing, but was reassured that they would stop in time and they did.
DMum died two years ago but I didn't dream about her until very recently, and then only the one time so far, but it was a nice dream and I felt better for it, even though very sad when I woke up IYSWIM.
Sorry for your loss, Op Be gentle on yourself.

Kahlua4me · 07/10/2016 20:19

My mum died in an accident last year whilst on holiday, and I often dream about her now. I didn't to start with as shock was too much so my sleep was very disturbed.

In the last dream, she turned up at my door saying she was sorry for taking so long to get home but she got stuck on the mountain and it hadn't taken her a long time to find her way home.

I was really upset when I woke up but I have been trying to find comfort in the thought that it was her way of saying goodbye...

CPtart · 07/10/2016 20:29

My DM died 3 weeks ago in a car accident, she was only 69. I haven't dreamt about her yet, but when I go to the house I can see and hear her so clearly.

SABeeTiger · 07/10/2016 21:11

I'm sorry for everyone's losses, my mum died 14 years ago. I go through phases of dreaming about her loads then not at all, maybe its related to real life emotional episodes I don't know.
In some its a regression to childhood, in some she is still alive and fits in quite with dad and his wife, and in others we have huge arguments. All very strange but I've learnt to accept them for what they are, not beat myself uo about what they could mean.

echt · 08/10/2016 02:01

So very sorry for your loss, CPstart.

SlinkyVagabond · 08/10/2016 02:34

for everyone.
I had a dream about DM last week, it was lovely, it was her from about 6 years ago, she was lucid and standing up (she had her leg amputated and became very woolly in the last year) She was worried as people thought she was dead and she needed to get her flat back.

DustyMaiden · 08/10/2016 02:44

My DM died 10 days ago, the funeral is this week. I haven't dreamed of her yet not sure how I feel about it.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 08/10/2016 20:11

I meet up with my mum in my dreams quite often.

alazuli · 09/10/2016 07:47

i just had a dream about my mum. she died a few months ago and i only dream about her now and again. i wish it was more. i miss her so much it hurts my heart.

thinking about you op and everyone else who has lost their mums. xx

Ninarina · 13/10/2016 08:10

Hello all. These all struck a chord. My mum passed eight months ago and I had so many dreams where she was fine and I was confused and woke up thinking she was alive after all then getting the shock when I woke up. My main regret is that I didn't realise how poorly and in pain she was. So a lot of my dreams show me hugging her and saying sorry. I feel like she was angry with me when she died and that hurts like hell. I'm going to counselling but I feel stuck. I can only remember the times I caused my mum pain and it kills me. Everything now feels futile.

imother · 13/10/2016 23:38

Poor you Nina I'm sure your mum knew how much you loved her and would wholeheartedly forgive you any unintended hurt you caused her, just as you would for any hurt she might have inadvertently caused you.

She would not want you to remember her with pain but to focus on your happy good memories of your time together. Be kind to yourself, as she would want you to be.

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