Back in work after MC, any suggestions how to deal with other peoples reactions

[elerose]

I had a MC on New Years Eve(11 weeks), don't think I'm handling things very well but I went back to work this week anyway. I was expecting it to be hard and for people to be walking on eggshells a bit but I was amazed when the majority of them ignored me completely sometimes physically turning their backs so they didn't have to acknowledge me at all.
I work in an open plan office which did not help, just surprised not one person came up to me and said they were sorry for what happened or asked how I was. Just either ignored the subject or didn't talk to me.
Any suggestions on how to deal with this would be great as I'm now dreading going back on Monday.

People just don't know waht to say. they are probably worried about upsetting you. I would just carry on as normal. If there is someone there you are close to maybe discuss it with them and ask that person to sprread the word that you are ok to tlak about what has happened.

so sorry to hear this elerose - I had a miscarriage a couple of years ago and was really shocked at the differences in others' reactions (or not - my SIL has still never mentioned it)

Agree with sheraz - just carry on as normal and if people are kind enough to ask you about it, then tell them what you would like to.

In general, people are not very good at dealing with bereavement

People are scared of upsetting you and they probably really don't mean to be rude, they just don't want to be the one who makes you cry.

One of my aquaintances lost her dad recently and I had to force myself to go and speak to her, I was horrified at myself.

I'm so sorry to hear obout your MC elerose.

Sorry to hear this elerose, agree people in general are no good at bereavement and do not know how to react. I hope you have a good friend at work to talk to and ime if people see that you are ok to talk about it hopefully you will be surprised that people will be supportive - big hugs to you and hope next week will be better for you

PS I know how you feel i had a MC about 7 yrs ago. Worked with all men, they had No Idea what to say to me at all. In the end I said,something like 'You all know what has happened to me. I am OK just treat as normal.' Just think about you would have reacted Before this happened to you if it had happened to one of your work colleagues.

Thanks for your messages I have tried to talk to one of the girls but she obviously felt uncomfortable and changed the subject. I think it's the huge contrast in the way people treated me when I was pregnant and after the MC that makes the loss worse.
To make matters worse my best friend from work is on holiday for 2 weeks.
Tommy-my MIL hasn't said anything to me about it either.
Sheraz- I might just try that

I think as well unless people have been through this they have no idea how awful it is. They just think it wasn't really a baby any way, IYSWIM. Don't realise that it is a baby to you, that you had already pictured in your mind and startedd planning for. Good luck.

Your right I don't think anyone can understand unless it's happened to them but my baby was very real to me (we had a scan 3 days before MC and were told the baby looked perfect) everything that happened was such a shock. I suppose I'm being a bit harsh on them because if I don't know how to deal with this how could they.
It just upset me so much that nobody acknowledged my baby had died and acted like it never existed.
Sorry if this dosn't make sense I think I'm rambling.

IKWYM. I had a m/c 3 weeks ago, went back to work we after. People just don't know what to say and tbh I didn't want to talk to them about it because it was too upsetting. I have family and friends I can talk to about it. I have found that people have been treating me with kid gloves. One of the directors actually rang me up after we'd been in a teleconference because I got a bit angry about something and was concerned about me! I was fine really, it was just him being a tw@t
Sorry about your loss hun, hope you are okay.

I have been amazed by the reaction of some people - parents in law have never even mentioned my mc!

I was in the opposite situation to you as nobody at work knew I was pregnant. I had to tell my boss (who luckily is a good friend) and she kept it quiet by dealing with my sicknote and telling people I was off with a virus. It was still incredibly hard walking back into the office on the first day back - thought people would guess as I was not my usual self (very quiet and withdrawn). DH was sweet and kept texting me to make sure I was Ok.

I think people don't know what to say and think saying nothing is the best policy -which sometimes it's not. To us, no matter how many weeks preg we were, we were carrying a baby. Outsiders may not understand that. It is an incredibly personal loss. I don't think people mean to be insensitive but turning their backs/not speaking is very out of order though.

Good luck tomorrow.

Thanks, I'm so sorry you've been through this as well. I do feel a bit more confident about tomorrow now. I had taken peoples reactions very personally but it helps to know this might just be how people in general deal with this kind of situation.

I really hope today was ok for you.I have lost two babies in the last 14 months both at very different stages.

I found out much later that alot of the people who were just treating me as normal had actually had m/c themselves and me having one brought it all back for them. Which I can understand.

Those that have not been there just have no idea how much of an effect it has on you and they never will.

It is an incredibly hard thing to come through. It will get better with time and once people have realised that you aren't going to cry at them or snap at them and you are still the same person they will begin to come round.

The turning there backs on you is not necessary and I don't think I could let that happen without saying something to them.

Good Luck!! I really do understand what it is like - it is the pits!