Reams setting my grieving off again

[velmadinkly]

My Mam died very unexpectedly just over a year ago, I've had bouts of grieving on and off throughout the year, the last hard bout was around Easter time. I was fine on the anniversary of her death (towards the end of August), which was a surprise as I thought I'd struggle a bit.

Yesterday I felt a bit 'inside out' and last night I remember waking up having dreamt about her. I very rarely remember my dreams, but I can remember I heard her voice and I remember my Dad was in the dream and it was something about throwing out her things. She was wearing a top and some white trousers she liked and she was standing up by herself. She'd not been able to stand for a few years due to having had a brain haemorrhage leaving her with paralysis.

When I woke I had that heartbroken feeling I had when I saw the hearst coming down the street where I walked away from my Husband and Dad so that I could see it 'by myself.' The heartbroken feeling hasn't gone all day. I'm sat here sobbing and I really just want to hear her talk. I want to touch her and smell her and I know I can't.

Sorry for the rambling.

Hello,

I've just seen your post. Sorry no one has replied to u.

Sorry to hear about your mum. I think it just comes in waves (grief). I linger about on the bereavement and life limiting illness boards. It's because I lost my dad nearly two years ago. I don't know what I'm trying to gain from doing it, I guess I'm looking for understanding of some sort, some answers perhaps. I just don't know. No keep telling my self to stop but I think it's grief that drives me.

I still think about my dad a lot and I wish he was here still. I don't think I will ever stop missing him.

I read on here somewhere that it's never gonna go away it's about getting used to your new normal. And that's exactly how it feels for me. I don't like it but that's how it is. In time tho u get more better days than bad, but the grief constantly creeps up on you when you least expect it.

Be strong. X (it's hard)