My dear friend committed suicide and I miss him

[musttheshowgoon]

He did it at the end of June (on the day the referendum results came out). I knew it was suicide but no one else seemed to think that so I didn't mention it to other friends and family.

Today his brother confirmed he had done it himself. He talked me through details of his internet search history which were painful.

I don't know what I want from posting, I am just so fucking sad and have no one to speak to this evening. I confided in him more than I did anyone else and I have known him since childhood. He lived here till March and I keep coming across this things.

He was gay and struggled with reactions he had had to his sexuality and that makes me feel really angry.

He was a very talented, funny man and so, so kind and such a loss. I am talking about it but am having a really low moment right now.

*coming across HIS things

Also, I have felt permanently exhausted since it happened. Is this normal?

Hi - suicide is a devastating and cruel event. We cannot imagine the level of despair that the person who has killed themselves felt. It is beyond the rationale thought of someone without that pain. I hope you find comfort I. Happy memories of a loving friendship xx

I'm so sorry. What a sad thing :( Dreadful that people struggle so much with being gay and other people's reaction to their sexuality.

Practically speaking, grief is exhausting and enervating. It just makes you want to stay under the duvet.

It sounds like you were good friends. What was he like?

He was stubborn, hilarious and flamboyant.

He got 98% in one of our A level maths exams and retook it to get 100%. He also always said he wouldn't live past 30...and he didn't.

He would listen to people for hours and help me out in any way he could. He had travelled the world and seen so many things.

I have the most wonderful of memories but right now all I want to do is squeeze him tight and keep him safe.

I am certain that when he did it he must have really meant it and been unable to see another way. But he's been there before and always called or got help.

You poor thing. Death is awful and young people,'particularly suicide, is painful for everyone as we all wonder 'what could I have done to stop this' ... When my DCousin committed suicide my brother (a doctor funnily enough) comforted me by saying that he was on a
Road that nobody could get him
Off of ... That's it really, the absolute truth. My mum also tried suicide but didn't succeed thankfully, however died from massive organ failure since ... Which was self induced over a long period - Again, she was on a one way trip and she wasn't coming off for me, her son, her grand children she hadn't even met - you can't do anything. He was perhaps too good for this awful world - Sadness will turn to happy memories eventually. For now be kind to yourself, take comfort that he is at peace and above all get hep if you need it. Take care Xx