So this is grief - I much prefer denial.

[EmMcK]

My darling mum died a month ago. She was diagnosed with cancer just before Christmas and died at home with her children there holding her hand.
We come from a huge family, so there was funeral to organise, people to house etc, and we had mum at home between her death and the funeral.

In the last couple of days I have gone from a lovely cloud of denial to the horrible realisation that she is gone. I went to her house yesterday and she just wasn't there. I just want to see her, to tell her what her grandchildren have been doing, to give her a hug.

Mt father died when I was 12, I remember this ache, but I don't know how to get through it. It is like physical pain. I wish I could crawl back to denial.

I'm so sorry Em,no words are ever enough to comfort grief like this but know that you are not alone.

It's the worst feeling in the world. But it lessens. There are many stages to grief and I find the longing part very difficult.

I also found it got worse after the auto pilot phase. The only thing that helped was having me time and not putting too much pressure on myself to be "normal". Counselling was a god send too - although I'm still attending counselling 8 months later.

It's shit. I'm sorry. But you're not alone

Longing is horrible. That is exactly the right word.
I have started running again for to try and find some sanity. I think I thought I would find it in wine, but that wasn't proving helpful.
Thank you for your virtual flowers.

. You're not alone. Altough my experience of grief was that denial was the worst part, because I couldn't quite convince myself.

Take each moment as it comes xxxx

I wish you all the best. I keep telling myself this: our loved ones would want us to be happy. So do that, when you feel like doing anything.