Don't know what to say or do - my cousin is dead

[Sadregular]

He was found last night in his flat, he was only 34 and my aunt had to be admitted to hospital when she was told.

I feel so sad. He had been through lots of wild times, drug taking, trouble with the police, finding and falling out with his birth-mother (he was adopted) and was just beginning to get his act together. He was planning to buy a place for the first time with his girlfriend ("I've never seen him eat so many fruit and vegetables" my aunt said approvingly about her) and it just seemed that after years of self-destructive behaviour, he'd found some kind of peace.

And now suddenly he's dead and it's all come to an end. I don't really know why I'm posting this, just feel the need to think and talk about him.

Oh dear

You have my sympathies.

I assume it was very sudden, those are the hardest to deal with.

xxx

What terrible news. How is your Aunt - is your Mum with her?

I'm not sure what to say really, it must be such a shock to you all. Were you close?

How sad for you all.

sorry

So sorry for you and your family.

Such an emormous shock for everyone when it is sudden. So sorry for you all. My sympathies. Just when he is trying to turn his life around his life has been cut short.

Terribly sad. Thinking of you and your aunt and family.

His brother is with my aunt atm, she doesn't want anyone else with her.

I don't want to phone her yet because I have about a million hysterical aunts who will all be on the phone to her. And then I think maybe I should phone her... oh I don't know.

Maybe don't phone her if she is going to be inundated. Just drop her a nice card with a few sentences in that she can read when she feels ready.

So very sorry to hear about your cousin.

That is terrible news for you all. I am so sorry.

So sorry to hear your sad news. Thinking of you at this time

thinking of you and your family

Really, really sorry, Sadregular.

Were you quite close as kids?

im so sorry for you, my sympathies

We weren't that close tbh, but he was just part of the family. My aunt went through so much to adopt him and he nearly died when he was five and when he was a teenager he was on drugs and was always nearly dying and over-dosing and getting his jaw broken in fights. Then in his twenties when he met his birth-mother, my aunt stood back and watched helplessly while the wretched woman abandoned her son all over again. She lost her husband five years ago to cancer and it feels like she's had one blow after another.

Does anyone know how long they take to establish a cause of death?

I feel so badly for your aunt. It must be very hard for you.

Oh no, how terrible . I know it sounds trite, but I am lighting a candle for you and your family.

very sorry to hear about this, your poor aunt and cousin and his girlfriend, how awful.

Sadregular - re discovering the cause of death. I can only tell you my experience. This will differ from place to place I imagine, so can only be a guide.

It depends what they find out at the autopsy (I assume they've doing one?) If they can establish it at that you may find out within a few days. Otherwise they take tiny samples from the major organs and that can take anything upto (but not neccessarily) 3 months, because some of the tests involve developing cultures (we were told) .

When my nephew died suddenly in his sleep they were only able to tell them the cause 2 months later.

Hope you and your aunt don't have to wait too long. Know how horrible all this is. xx