DS blamed himself for me losing the baby :(

[SparklyGothKat]

He asked DH if I lost the baby because he was naughty and argued with me. Poor little man, I explained that the baby had grown in the wrong place and would never have survived anyway, and not to blame himself.

Oh Sparkly

Children always do think they're at fault when anything goes wrong; they're at the centre of the universe, aren't they, so it must be their fault.

Poor little chap, I'm glad you reassured him so well.

So sorry to hear this sparkly. WWB is right, it is their innocent egocentricity, bless them, that makes them think like this.
Sounds like you reassured him well, but you might have to keep giving him this message until it really does sink in.

Ah, how upsetting for you, but that's a really common response from children. I think you explained it really well, but just to make sure, maybe you could sit down and tell him again that it was not his fault at all, and nothing he could have done would have hurt the baby. Poor little chap.

oh poor little man.

I dont know how old he is but maybe you could show him picture, like in pubety books, that show the womb but not to scientifcally IYKWIM. and then point to where the babies should grow and where your baby grew. Just explaining probably wont mean anything to him, eg, he wont mean what growing in the wrong place means. This will be very hard for all of you and i'm sthinking of you.

I'm sorry i should read my post before i put them up! *he wont KNOW what growing in the wrong place means. (amongst other mistakes!)

oh sparkly poor little man.

agree with sarz that showing him in a book with easy to understand pictures might help

he is 9 and very smart. I said that the baby is supposed to grow in the womb and my baby was in the tube, and not in the womb and he seemed to accept that ok.

Aw poor guy. So glad he felt able to talk to you about it rather than bottle it up though.

Do you think he feels a bit better about it now?

Oh bless him And I'm really sorry for your loss, Sparkly.

He is ok now, he is very senstive. Because of my previous miscarriage, DH told the children to not wind me up and let me relax, of course children being children they still were naughty but I don't blame them at all. After all its no-one's fault the baby grew in my tube.

Poor wee chap. I was glad my ds1 was too little to know when I had my miscarriage (he was 3) - I remember he caught me crying in the kitchen and passed me the tea towel

It's awful, Sparkly - be kind to yourself.

{{{HUGS}}}. My DS (nearly 4 at the time) was with me when I was admitted for emergency surgery for EP. Was honest with him then about what was happening; I don't think he's taken it to heart as such, although he did today surprise me by giving me a kiss on the cheek, a hug, and say to DH he was cheering me up I think he likes the fact that he's a special big brother and has a baby brother in heaven (he's decided the baby was a boy).

I guess it's just one of those thoughts, just like the ones we have ("Did I do something wrong?"). Hope you're OK. Are you on the EPT forums?

Yes I'm on the EPT board. This was my second pregnancy that I have lost and he knows that he has 2 baby brothers or sisters in heaven.