Losing my mother a month after giving birth

[Char0x6]

Hello

So i lost my mother roughly 5 weeks after giving birth to my daughter. It's a difficult situation as i had fallen out with my mum along time ago. I did try to sort things but was pushed away. I managed to visit my mum before she pasted which was absolutely the hardest thing i have ever had to do. She was not awake but i was told she could hear everything i was saying.
Since her death i have seemed to become really down everyday. To be honest my daughter has made the whole situation a lot easier. But I'm suffering with postnatal depression and this has had a major effect on it.
I have always been a worrier but i now seem to be worrying more and more, partically about my health. I am constantly worrying that there is something wrong my health and something bad will happen to me and ill leave my daughter. Obviously i know that losing my mother has made me think this way I just can't wait for the day i feel like the old me again.

I'm really sorry for your loss. I lost my own mother a few months after my daughter was born, so I understand that it's a really, really difficult time.

Don't let yourself think that what you're feeling isn't normal - grief is a weird thing, it's different for everybody, and it does all sorts of things to you.

Have you spoken to anyone about how you're feeling, the post natal depression? I got amazing support both before and after losing my mom from my health visitor and GP, and was also referred for some therapy.

You don't say how long it's been since you had your baby - your hormones could also be going crazy, no wonder you're feeling like everything is on top of you :(.

Oh I'm sorry of your loss too. Grief is such a weird thing.
I have gone to see my doctor, i am currently on the waiting list to have some therapy. I went a week weeks ago and my doctor decided to prescribe me some antidepressants as worrying about my health and what not what was quite extreme. I picked the tablets up but have not yet taken them as i am too scared. Id rather not take them.
I had my baby 6 and half months ago now, its going so fast already and with all the worrying i feeling like i can't enjoy being a parent to the fullest because in the back of my mind I'm constantly thinking about other things.

I felt the same the first time I took antidepressants, and I did get some side effects (mainly tiredness) but it quickly levelled off and I noticed an improvement in my mood pretty quickly. If you really don't want to take them, would you consider going back to GP to ask if there's anything else that can help, while you're on the waiting list?

I found getting out really helped in the early days, because I was living in a new city and don't have family close by, so I went to some groups at my local children's centre (baby massage was particularly good). I made some friends and found that even though my situation was particularly stressful some of the things I was feeling were normal anyway, and all the mums were feeling the same! I know that isn't for everyone though, but it did help me. On the days I didn't even want to get out of bed, I had a reason to brush my hair and teeth and get dressed and go out.