im not sure where abouts im safe on this website anymore. i have made a new account and a new email and everything just to feel a little more protected. i couldnt face to come on for ages. but here i am... i wanted to thank all the encouragement i have got from my old thread. it was so lovely and im even on a waiting list for some counselling. nj's boat is coming along well, but im not sure if it works with a pond, so we are thinking of having a pond with a bridge and then the boat separate. sorry just wanted to make an appearance. i find it so soothing to share the things im thinking. i think bereavement is the safest place for it.