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Bereavement

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Original poster

My son would've been 7 tomorrow.

40 replies

fussymummy · 12/01/2007 09:36

I'm having a really tough time at the moment.

7 years ago i was in labour with my son 'Kieran' who was sadly stillborn.

He should be here having his 7th birthday tomorrow.

I miss him so much, i feel awful today.

God bless sweetheart. xx

OP posts:
Soapbox · 12/01/2007 09:39

Awww fussymummy

My thoughts will be with you tomorrow.

myermay · 12/01/2007 09:41

Message withdrawn

Budababe · 12/01/2007 09:42

for you fussymummy.

RnBee · 12/01/2007 09:43

I'm so sorry Fussymum I really can't imagine how dreadful you must feel. I hope you find the strength to get through tomorrow x

Original poster
fussymummy · 12/01/2007 09:54

myermay no one really talks about him.
They all know how upset i get and think it's best not to talk.
They don't seem to realise that this makes it harder for me.
Even my partner doesn't say much about him.
I've suffered with depression ever since and right now i feel so alone!

Some of my family leave flowers on his grave with little notes so i do know they care.

Thanks for the posts.

OP posts:
lulumama · 12/01/2007 09:58

((hugs)) to you...must be terribly sad, especially if you feel kieran;s memory is not being acknowledged

sadly, when a someone is bereaved , people don;t know what to say, or don;t say anything of fear of distressing you further...

i am so sorry and wish could offer something more than some words x

snig · 12/01/2007 10:03

thinking of you

DimpledThighs · 12/01/2007 10:08

Thoughts are with you and Kieran today and tomorrow. What a terrible thing you have been through. I also lost a son (born too premature) and it hurts so much - he would have been 8 now. It hurts that no-one talks about him and some don't know about him but I focus on him in my heart.

I understand how very hard this is. I have suffered from depression on and off since.

Best wishes.

myermay · 12/01/2007 10:14

Message withdrawn

singsalot · 12/01/2007 10:53

hugs to you,

womba1 · 12/01/2007 11:11

My son, James, would have been 13 on the 7th January but he too was stillborn.
Will be thinking of you tomorrow fussymummy.. and of our little boys playing together
xxx

snowleopard · 12/01/2007 11:18

Fussymummy, sending you lots of love.

You have told us about Kieran and we are thinking of him and sharing these thoughts with you now. It's a hard and sad time but if course it's right and natural that you should be thinking of him. You'll never forget him or stop loving him.

snorkle · 12/01/2007 13:01

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Hulababy · 12/01/2007 13:08

I am so sorry. Thinking of you and your angel Kieran.

Marina · 12/01/2007 13:09

I'm so sorry Kieran was stillborn fussymummy
Anniversaries are the hardest time IMO.
But I wonder how we can make well-meaning families understand properly that just because we get upset, it doesn't mean we don't ever want to talk about our stillborn children, ever
Like, "Oh I didn't want to bring back bad memories" - so do they think we have forgotten our babies until they remind us?? That one still baffles me.
It boils down to people not wanting to see you cry.
It is never too late to get bereavement counselling, or to talk to SANDS about how you feel about Kieran. Sometimes it can take bereaved parents a long time to feel ready to talk or seek help.
XXX
PS My son Tom was prematurely stillborn and should have been four last week. No-one in my family ever mentions him or remembers. They find the very fact we had a funeral for such a small baby faintly distasteful I think.

yeahinaminute · 12/01/2007 13:12

Fussymummy - give in to the grief and let it roll - my darling Catriona would have been 7 on the 2nd Feb - she was stillborn at 42 weeks - and I get very emotional at this time too - My DH and I always go somewhere nice for lunch on her anniversary and Andrew's (he was still born on the 10th May 2001) - and just remember them and wonder about the impossible - actually it is really quite cathartic.

Big love and hugs xxxxx

PrincessPeaHead · 12/01/2007 14:32

Oh Marina - I remember Tom so well (I joined MN shortly afterwards and remember all your posts of that sad time) and I do think about him quite a lot you know, when I read your posts and you are talking about your other children etc - I'm so sorry that your family don't mention him. I can see how terribly painful that would be, having such an important person and a huge part of your life seemingly forgotten. I have a friend whose first son, Joshua, died minutes after birth and I always think of him first when I think of her children (she has two more now) because he is STILL her eldest child, to me anyway.

Fussymummy I can't imagine how you are feeling but yeahinaminutes advice sounds spot on to me. Much love.

Marina · 12/01/2007 22:55

I think Yeahinaminute's idea of a special lunch for you both to think about Kieran is such a nice one too
We recently went back to a hotel we escaped to that Autumn, this time with ds and dd, and that was unexpectedly healing.
Thank you so much for those kind words PPH. I remember you mentioning heart problems in your third pregnancy and hoping you were going to be OK

marthamoo · 12/01/2007 23:01

We'll remember with you, fussymummy, if it helps a bit. Sleep tight, Kieran.

paulaplumpbottom · 12/01/2007 23:02

I'm sorry for your loss

Mustdobetter · 12/01/2007 23:19

My little boy would have been 8 now, turning 9 in March. He died 2 hours after his premature birth. He has two younger brothers now and I imagine them playing together and how he would look. No one outside our immediate family other than my mother ever mentions him. Yes, it is painful, but I always make a cake with candles on his birthday and we go out to dinner just like we do for the rest of our birthdays. If I didn't instigate this I don't think my children's father would -- that's men for you. Make or buy a cake on your baby's birthday and celebrate the life that he lived within you. I will be thinking of you.

Original poster
fussymummy · 13/01/2007 01:17

Thankyou so much to everyone who's posted.
All these kind words really mean a lot to me.

It's now the actual day he was born, and we'll be going to the cemetary later today with our other 3 chidren.

We take flowers and a toy and release balloons to him, just as we all did on the day he was buried.

Sweet dreams darling xxx

OP posts:
yeahinaminute · 13/01/2007 01:34

Rest in peace little Keiran - fussymummy - take a moment to reflect and wonder - much love x

YeahBut · 13/01/2007 08:05

Thinking of all the mothers who have lost a little one.{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}

shosha · 13/01/2007 08:20

Message withdrawn

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