I feel so guilty

[1becomes3]

I don't even know where to start.
I got a phone call from my mum last night asking me what time I was going to the crematorium today, and I had to ask her why.
I can not believe that 7 years ago today my daughter Ella at 27 weeks was still born and I forgot.
I know 7 years is a long time ago, but I should have remembered her, i don't want to forget her, cause if I don't remember her then who will, I know her father won't.
I should most probably be on the phone crying to one of my friends or DH, but I just don't want to talk to anyone, mainly because I know what they will say to me. They will tell me how I shouldn't dwell in the past I should move on, how lucky I am because despite being told after I lost Ella I would never be able to have children, I now have one beautiful amazing daughter and am pg with twins.
But I already know how lucky I am. I am not dwelling in the past i am taking 1 day out of the whole year to remember Ella, and all I have to do this is a polariod that the mw gave to me and the memory of her tiny coffin, it was so small it could have been a shoe box and it breaks my heart to think of that again and know that I forgot about her on her day.

Please please don't beat yourself up about this - it is clear from you post that you still cherish her memory. So you temporarily forgot that today was the day - you would have remembered at some point. And I am sure she is often not far from your mind.

as hmc says, just because you didnt remember the date - doesnt mean you dont think about her at other times. thinking of you.

Cx

agree with the others. as you say, you another beautiful DD and are pregnant with twins - enough to deal with, without trying to remember dates!

You obviously have not forgotten Ella - and you never will.

it means you are now remembering her in a healthy way - rather than obsessing over a given date. The actual day doesn't matter - it is the thoughts and memories that matter - and they can be anytime and anywhere.

Agree with Throkenholt - I lost my dd at 26 weeks 15 years ago. I'm sure you would have remembered at some time during the day, but if not it doesn't mean that you don't think of her or have forgotten - you will never do that.

Take care - I know what you are going through.

X