Some advice please about funerals

[Busybean]

Hi, I had a call yesterday from my half sister saying that they had found my dad on wednesday in his house, they think he had a heart attack. They rang today saying that the funeral is next friday. Im only 22 and this is the first death Ive really experienced so I am unsure was is expected of me? Am I expected to walk behind the hearse in the funeral procession? Who gives wreaths? is the reading of the will(if there is one) done on the same day as the funeral?
thanks

I'm sure someone will be along with some advice but i just wanted to say that i'm sorry to hear about your father.

Message withdrawn

The funerals ive been to, no one walked behind the hearse, just went in the "family car". Everyone usually gives a wreath. Reading of the will would be a few days later- whenever who arranges it decides - providing there is a will/he wasnt married. Sorry to hear about your loss. x

The arrangements are often down to who organises the funeral. Who is organising it? My dad died recently and I organised his funeral so if there is anything you need to know, please ask.
Flowers are usually sent to the funeral directors before the hearse arrives at the departure point btw.

ok. I dont have any money atm so do you think I should call a friend to see if I can borrow some money to pay for a wreath?

My half sister is organising it. there are 2 daughters and a son on dads side and just me whome has a different mother but same father iyswim.

By the way, I asked that no-one gave flowers other than the arrangement from us and instead donated to Cancer Research if they wished to do so. If you wish to take a similar approach, the funeral directors organise the collection as the mourners leave and also pass the money on to the chosen charity

Message withdrawn

are you ok? this must have come as quite a shock.

there aren't really set rules for funerals, it all depends on who's organising it, if it's religious, where it is, the number of people there, and so on. you said your half sister spoke to you. is her family organising things? i would speak to her to ask her what's planned. sometimes there isn't a funeral procession as such. with regards flowers and wreaths, sometimes people prefer donations to charity, so again i would speak to your half sister perhaps. however, if you wish to give a wreath you can do so of course.

with the will it really depends on the situation, no hard and fast rules. has he definately written a will? sometimes there isn't a formal reading at all, it depends on who is affected by it.

hope it's all ok for you.

You could just send a nice bunch of flowers, it doesn't have to be a wreath.

You don't have to give a wreath - a lot of people specify that they'd prefer the money to go to a charity, hospice etc. Often the family will send one wreath together - could that be an option to go in with your half-brothers/sister ?

Alternatively a simple bunch of beautiful flowers would be very lovely and just from you. Don't feel pressured into spending money you don't have - it is really not necessary !

Sorry for your loss by the way - horrid for you !

Are you close to your half-family?

I organised a box of single flowers as people left the ceremony, to be placed on the coffin as a final gesture if people wanted to do so. If you have no money, buy a single lily. It is the love that it represents that matters, not what it cost.

Sorry for your loss, sounds sudden Protocols vary from each religion and region to another. The ones I've been to have tended to have family cars which follow the hearse. Family send wreaths or flowers which are delivered to the undertaker or taken in person to where the funeral procession starts and added to the hearse, but sometimes non-immediate family and friends are asked to donate to a named charity instead. Formal will readings tend not to happen these days but are handled by solicitor and/or named executors in subsequent days or weeks. hth

Somewhat a shock, he had spent xmas abroad and had just returned on monday. we live over 200miles apart so we see each other 2-4 times a yr and spk about twice a month. I knew it would happen at some point as he had a fair few things wrong with him but(like alot of men) didnt really take his health problems seriously.
It was a shock to hear this week and also a shock to hear the funeral would be as quick as next friday as My driving test is monday and I have an university interview on wednesday. Im still goin to go for my test and interview as I know thats what my dad would have wanted.

Busybean - so sorry to hear your sad news. Don't feel you have to have a wreath - it's not the law - I always choose a hand tied bunch of cut flowers - wrapped in tissue with some ribbon - much nicer,and you could slip a little note inside with a message for your dad.

So sorry. Poor you.

No will readings usually. Many funerals stipulate no flowers so don't worry about that. You might want to talk with who is organising it. At my mother's funeral we all participated to some extent, had a say on the music, my son played the Last Post on the trumpet, I sang, my daughter did a reading etc etc We all gave the priest information about my mother he could incorporate into his address. The immediate family afterwards walked out together before the rest of the congregation. On the way there immediate family travelled in the funeral cars but someone will just show you on the day where to go - don't worry about it.

Probably you then go to the grave unless it's a cremation. Then usually back to someone's house or whatever for a bit of food and drink. It's not the practical but the emotional things that are harder.

Xenia - Last Post on the trumpet sounds fab -my uncle,being in the army, had it at his funeral and it was terribly moving.

Thanks for all your advice ladies x