Just found out my XDP died a week ago. We were together 18 months. He was diagnosed with cancer just after we met, I gave my all into finding a way to make him better, throwing every complimentary therapy at it, he moved in with me and DCs soon after diagnosis. I was there through it all, from receiving the initial news from Dr to every chemo, RT and checkup appt. It was an incredibly demanding time and i was running myself ragged but did so for love and wanted him in my life forever. The brain tumour affected his personality however and I did not recognise him towards the end of the relationship. He became quite difficult almost EA and controlling, I put it down to the medication he was taking and tried to develop a thick skin. After a relapse he was taken into hospital and personality changed further very cold and dismissive of me, then his family suddenly became awful towards me and insisted on taking over his care after discharge, to which he agreed. The coldness, betrayal and lack of consideration I felt made me turn away at that point. My priority was my children. I was devastated , he was my world but this man in the hospital bed was not a man I knew or loved anymore and furthermore I was being victimised by his family whilst he allowed them to do so. It was an awful, painful time.
Months have passed with virtually no contact, occasionally a text exchange, mainly him telling me how his recovery was going and how he will beat this. Not asking after the DCs or me.
So today I snooped on FB and found out he died 2 weeks ago, no one told me and more than likely the funeral has already happened. I just feel so numb and weird and I'm not sure how to deal with this. I know I grieved for him back then when we split, but knowing he has passed is shocking and devastatingly sad. The real him was a wonderful man and we were incredibly close and in love while we were together.