Distraught and I didn't think I would be ......

[anniversary]

I had a termination last autumn and I truly felt that I had made the right decision.

however it's around now that my baby should have been born and I am totally distraught.

I don't know how to cope - and to make matters worse I did not tell DH - so I feel that I cannot turn to him now.

We never wanted any more children - as we felt that we have a good balance - and I am knocking on a bit!

But I am finding things totally unbearable

Needless to say - I have changed my name as I don't want any abuse from the "pro-lifers"
I feel bad enough as it is

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Anniversary - I know exactly how you feel. I had a termination 4 years ago. I discovered i was pregnant when my dd2 was 3 mths old. I desperatly wanted to keep the baby but i was suffering with PND and our house was about to be repossesed. I also thought i owed it to my other kids to try and sort my life out.

I didn't cope very well with it and had terrible nightmares for a while afterwards. I do regret what i did, and feel that i should of been stronger.
As it was my g.p and h.v all thought that a termination was best and my dp did too, so i just agreed. It would of only taken 1 person to tell me it was a bad idea, and that i'd cope and i wouldn't have gone ahead with it, but no one did.

I was going to change my name too but then i've spent the last 4 years being ashamed of what i did, but no more. I can't change it now, i made the wrong desicion but i'll just have to live with it.

Does anyone know about your termination ??? I kept it a secret from everyone except dp. I was so relieved when i finally told my mom.
Is there anyone you can tell ???

Please don't feel bad, you did what you thought was right at the time.

Nutty xxxxxxxx

I am so sorry you feel like this anniversary. I honestly don't know what to say, except to remind you that you did what you thought was best for all your family and I for one certainly don't judge you at all. Would you be able to talk to someone on the phone? I am sure there are helplines. Could look some up if you think it might help.

Thanks everyone - Nutty you are very brave.
I have just been out to luch with some friends and it was fairly obvious that I was not on good form - but I felt I had to put on a brave face and keep up the pretence.

All I can do is cling to DS and DD as they are so precious to me.

I just find it all rather hard at the moment.
Thanks for your support

No no not brave, quite a coward really.

Have you not told anyone then ????
It really would help if you did i think. Have you not got a close friend you could tell ?? At least then when it's getting you down you would have someone to chat too.

Hope you are o.k and feel better soon

Told no-body

hi anniversary,
i no how you feel too i had a termination aswell a month before i got pg with dd, dont feel bad i beat myself up about it for ages but you did what you thought was right at the time take care love and hugs nikki xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx hugs to you too nutcracker xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

So no one went with you then ?? You are the brave one then, cos i couldn't have gone on my own.

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I said that I was visiting an old frind from school and stayed with her for the weekend.
She knew nothing about it - I was still rather ashamed - so I got plastered with her and we just talked about the good old days.

I think ( in truth ) I was rather blase about it and felt that becuase I have a wonderful family, that this little "glitch" would not affect me.
I thought that I was strong and that it was just an inconvenience ....

How wrong could I have been

whether it was through choice or not you can still feel that feeling of loss as it was inside you if you ever need to talk or a shoulder to cry on im here