Is it normal for me to feel nothing?

[SantasPersonalClown]

I've just found out that my aunt died this week and I just can't understand why I'm not a wreck.
Since having ds I get emotional at a lot of things (adverts, songs, other wierd things) but at the moment I just feel hollow.
I adored her even though I hadn't seen her in years. We kept in touch over the phone, emails etc but she never got to see ds for various reasons and now I'm feeling guilty that I should have made more of an effort to get there. After speaking to my cousin, he said that the first thing he will do when everything is sorted is to come and see me and ds.
I'm welling up writing this but I'm not in floods of tears which I sort of expected me to do.
Why am I not crying my heart out?
Thanks for reading my self pitying whinge.

my auntie died a few weeks a go. I was very sad but not as upset as I thought I would be,
I think sometimes if they have been ill for a time you are just glad they didn't suffer anymore.
don't feel bad. remember the good times.

That's the thing. She wasn't ill, my dad saw her just last week when they went out to catch up and try and organise a big family get together.

I think what you are feeling is actually perfectly normal. You could actually be in a state of delayed shock due to her sudden passing (you write that your Dad only saw her last week).

Cruse bereavement care are very good and their website is well worth a visit.

when my db died in 2001, i didn't cry for 5 days. i tried to get on as normal cos i didn't want to think about it. i insisted on going into school. the week that was the funeral i had off cos i went to my cousins - i didn't want to be around when all the arrangements were being made. my sister oth had loads of time off on and off over the year. i think the only reason i did end up crying was cos it was a friday afternoon, i had come home from school and realised i would have the whole weekend without the everydayness of school to stop me from thinking about it. if i'm honest i still don't think about him/get upset about it now. he had lived away from home for a year before in london and i think cos i was not used to him being around i just sort of pretended he was still away. maybe cos you didnt see her very often subconsciusly you are thinking she is still here?

This is exactly what happened to me when my mum died - almost 3 years ago now and I still don't think I've 'properly' grieved. I just don't seem to feel anything. This despite the fact that we were very close and I would give anything for her to still be here.

On the other hand, she had just been diagnosed with advanced breast cancer, with secondaries in the bones and liver - so her prognosis wasn't very good, and what was left of her life would have been very painful. She died from an infection contracted during her first bout of chemotherapy.

I had one session of counselling, and the therapist's view was that it was completely acceptable to be like that - that in many ways I had probably been coming to terms with her death in the previous 5 years (from her initial diagnosis) and that as we had a very good relationship there were no regrets, nothing left unsaid, etc etc.

I'm not really convinced and am still puzzled that I wasn't/haven't been completely devastated. Lkike you, I cry at the drop of the hat over (trivial) things.

So no answers, but hope you don't feel so alone in this.