Blackness

[Ludoole]

The blackness has set in tonight.
I want him back so much. How have i gone almost 3 weeks without hearing his voice, seeing his smile or feeling his warm skin? How do i go through the rest of my life without him???? When will this pain stop???? Why my Chris???????

Sometimes life takes these dark turns and you just have to trudge through. So sorry about your dad as well.

I had a freak out on my sister when she disturbed my dad's desk drawer years after he died. As long as things were literally just as he last placed them in the desk, he seemed less dead, crazy as that sounds. Once it was humbled up he seemed further away.
On the other hand I know people who lost loved ones yet had their clothes and effects given to charity shops within two weeks without a backwards glance. We all grieve in our own ways.
to you.

Jumbled up, rather.

My Dear, you are coping with so much loss. So sad to hear about your father. Your lovely family has been through so much. Your mum sounds wonderful. I would hope to be such a source of support to my child if she were enduring a time of great difficulty. I will include you, your children, your mum and Chris in my prayers. Your MN community is here 24/7. Xx

I cant move his medication, his glasses, his colostomy stuff or his stupid loudspeaker magazines... I have his ashes in a casket by the telly along with his wedding ring. Its comforting. I talk to him and kiss him morning and night... He was "the one". Still is.. Always will be..

Spellbook How lovely that you include him in your prayers . He would have loved that. X

Oh lovey. I have no words. I was thinking of you earlier and hoping that you and your boys were managing. All I can do is send prayers and wishes to you. Xxx

I lost my fiancé in 2009, he was a soldier who was killed in action. I broke. Totally and utterly. He was my world. We were each other's everything. I was 23.

I'm now married and have children with the man who "fixed me". I love him totally and we're best friends. I'll always love and miss my fiancé who died, always. He has a special part of my heart.

My point is, you can live again. You do start to see past the blackness and see some light in the world. You never get over their death, you learn to live with the pain and manage it.

You are in the darkest place imaginable right now but I assure you it will get better. Be kind to yourself, cry, scream and hate the world. But know that you will start to feel more human again.

I am so sorry for the loss of Chris. I truly am.

Keep talking to us

I'm so sorry Ludoole. Grief is so exhausting, it comes in waves that feel totally overwhelming. It is such early days for you. I lost my 18 year old son to cancer 22 months ago. I didn't know how I would live without him either. But here I am. Living. I have another son so for him I go on. I think for a very long time you just exist. Breathing and getting through is all you can do. At some point you begin to live again and enjoy aspects of life. It's a horrible cliche but time is a healer. I shall never be whole again, life will never be as before, I have to find new meaning, new ways of living side by side with grief. You will, I will, we all do - it just takes such a loooong time. Big hugs xx

So lovely to see your wedding photo, Ludoole. I had always wanted, but felt it impertinent to ask you to put one up at the time. as it seemed plain that Chris had become more unwell.

You all look wonderful, so together.

I haven't been in anywhere near your position, so can barely imagine your pain.

My thoughts, and good wishes are with you.

thinking of you over the past few days Ludoole
xxx