Just lost my mum. Devastated.

[MummyBex1985]

I don't even know where to start.

My mum had a massive brain haemorrhage and there was no treatment. I sat with her whilst she was on a ventilator, knowing she couldn't survive.

I can't even start processing it. I'm broken right now. She was only 62. I'm 30 and didn't expect to deal with this for years.

My mum loved Christmas and we had plans for this coming Christmas (like every other). Now I just feel overwhelming heartbreak even thinking about Christmas and knowing she won't be there. My best memories of her were around this time of year and now I feel like it's been tainted. Her funeral will be two days before Christmas Day.

Just had to write it down. I'm not coping.

[MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig]

I'm so sorry. I was 31 when I lost my mum. She died before I had children so she never got to meet her grandchildren. Life can be so bloody unfair. LisaMumsnet put it very well. Your mum really will always be there somewhere, living on through someone else, giving them life. I know it's not much consolation right now but it will be in time. I'm sure you're already very proud of her. 💐

[timelytess]

I'm sorry for your loss. My mum died last year and I do feel as if she's not far away.

[BikeRunSki]

I'm so sorry Bex. I lost my dad this week 22 years ago, he was 61. I was 23, single, childless. Christmas was hard that year, and for some time to come. But now, the memories are bittersweet and I see so much of him in my son. For now, grieve as you need/want to. Cherish your family and support them. Let them support you too.

[MummyBex1985]

I can't reply to you all individually but I want you to know it means a lot to me to know that you've taken the time to read and respond. Thank you all so much.

So much of what you have said is helping me. My heart goes out to all of you who've been through anything remotely similar.

Thank you all again for the much needed support

[Noregretsatall]

I'm so very very sorry for the loss of your lovely Mum. Lost my Mum earlier this year too and am dreading Christmas...we did everything Christmassy together and I feel utterly lost and heartbroken. Be kind to yourself, take comfort from remembering happy memories and from the support of your family and friends. My thoughts are with you Bex. Xxx

[MummyBex1985]

Well I took some herbal sleeping tablets last night and slept ten hours solid. I don't ever manage that much sleep, I guess exhaustion has just caught up.

Thinking a bit more clearly today (for now) although I don't feel like getting out of bed at the moment. My dog (who my mum loved) is asleep on the bed next to me - he usually isn't allowed on the furniture so he's probably loving it.

Going to try and do some online shopping to pick up last minute bits and make sure Christmas is as good as it can be for the kids. I've accepted I won't be able to do what I'd usually do and I think that's okay. I just need to get through it somehow.

I went on Facebook this morning and couldn't help but feel a pang of anger that everyone else is getting on with their lives and I'm so overwhelmed with sadness and guilt. I hope that passes soon, I don't want to be twisted up with resentment.

Thank you for listening.

[couldthisbeit]

I am so very sorry for your loss. We lost mum 3 weeks before Christmas three years ago and buried her on the 19th. I thought I would never cope and that it would never get brighter. It does, slowly and surely. Christmas was functional that year, for the little ones mainly. A good friend told me at the time that I would be truly happy again but that it would just be a different happy. She was right. Be kind to yourself and do whatever feels right to get though these dark and so very sad days. Sending you lots of love x

[MummyBex1985]

Thank you.

I know you're right. I've had devastating losses before and it does get easier, but I also know it can upset you at the most random of times, even years later. I guess it's just still so raw at the moment.

I'm trying not to think about it for a while.

[Oly5]

Bex, I'm so sorry. My mum died this week aged 67 from cancer. I feel like you - cross that she won't live until she's old and so sad that my kids are too young to remember her. She adored them. I'm sure it's normal to feel this bereft. Sending you a massive hug x

[MummyBex1985]

Thanks Oly. I'm so sorry for the loss of your mum too. Life is shit at times x

[Itscliffmas]

So sorry for your loss xx

[sem973]

Hi Bex & Oly

I too lost my beloved mum suddenly on the 2nd Dec, she was 66, her funeral is this Thurs, I cannot cope & am numb to everything, wish it would all go away

Sarah

[MummyBex1985]

Sorry for your loss Sarah. There really are no good words at a time like this. My mums funeral isn't until next week and it's a horrible limbo. I think you can only start to accept after that point.

Just concentrate on getting up, eating, breathing. I wish it would all go away too. A few days ago everything was fine and now the worlds just gone to shit.

[bilbodog]

Crying as I read this - lost my mum in exactly the same way at 67 but it was over 20 years ago now - I was 37 and my dcs 2 3/4 and 9 months. I was devastated for them and her - she would have been the best grandmother. She does live on in you and the children. It's tough but be kind to yourself and don't worry about crying - if you can't cry now when can you? My thoughts are with you. X

[Lovepolkadots]

Firstly I know exactly what you are feeling. My dad died this year too out of the blue.
Firstly get the funeral over with. I had to choose the funeral as my mum couldn't cope with it. I chose a simple cremation and it lasted 30 minutes. I took a Xanax on the day and It helped tremendously and it passed by quickly. For me this was important as the funeral was the worst part in my mind. Actually the relief after was immense.
As for feeling cheated as your mum has gone too soon. Obviously none of us know how much time we have. She is alive in your heart and always will be. Im not religious but my dad was and I took comfort in the words of the vicar.
Take it easy and try to look after yourself. Small steps at first. Try to have a cup of tea and a bit if toast every day. Try to rest even if you don't sleep. Don't dwell on what ifs. You did the best you could at the time. And nothing could have prevented any of it. Sending you the biggest hugs and wish I could take the pain away.
Xxx

[seven201]

I lost my mum to brain cancer when she was 63 and I was 31. That was 1.5 years ago. I still find it incredibly unfair that other people have their mum's when I don't. It's utterly shit and you have the absolute right to feel pissed off at the world. I still get angry at times for her not being here. I'm pregnant with my first and feel so annoyed that she will never meet her grandchild. Things like Christmas just aren't the same anymore but you just need to muddle through and each year will get a little easier. I made each of my family a snowflake tree decoration that had her name on (I'm a DT teacher so it was easy for me) as she always have us xmas tree decorations and it makes me feel she's still part of Christmas in a way. Perhaps you could do something similar that suits your family traditions. I used to cry on the way to and from work which was my little therapy each day. You just need to do what works for you. If you want to lie in bed all day (and your kids let you) allow yourself to do that for a day. Don't expect too much from yourself. I'm so sorry for your loss xxx

[seven201]

Just thought of something else that helped me. My mum was always worried about my sisters and I being happy. After a couple of weeks I realised that all my mum ever wanted was for us to be happy, so from then on I tried to be happy for her. I put a photo of me on my birthday (I think I was about 20) with her in the background looking so happy up in my bedroom. She was notoriously bad at being in photos and never smiled in them. It just reminds me that I made her happy. She had a good life, albeit far too short. I don't know if that relates to you and your mum but I thought I'd share what helped me in case it helps you ok some way.

[blytheandsebastian]

I'm so sorry for your loss What a horrendous thing to happen.

I'm also in my thirties and lost my mum relatively suddenly earlier this year. It's not easy and you have to be really kind to yourself. Whatever you're feeling is always ok. Just focus on getting through the next little while and don't think too far ahead. It does get a little easier - you won't always be unable to cope.

[sem973]

Hello everybody, love to all going through the same at the mo, am reading all replies but can't write much at the mo.....

Sarah

[BooOzMoo]

I lost my best friend in June 2014... I'd love to say it gets easier but it doesn't!!!! I miss my my do much it hurts!!!! Physics

[ChristmasTurkey2015]

Also lost my mother suddenly and too young.

It was over 7 years ago for me but still shed tears of raw empathy reading your post.

Its very difficult and very painful (I found it physically painful as well as emotionally).

I hope you are ok.

[MummyBex1985]

Again thank you to all of you. It weirdly helps to see other people who have been through it.

We had to go and plan the funeral today. Just hope I've managed to do what she would have wanted.

I also took some time at my mums looking through photos and emailing them to myself. There are loads of my mum, and plenty of me that I didn't even realise she had taken!

Finding lots of happy photos is strangely comforting.

[MummyBex1985]

My head is still pounding though.

[ChristmasTurkey2015]

You sound like you're really being strong....I'm sure your mum is looking down feeling proud of you!...do you have good support to help with arrangements?

[MummyBex1985]

Yes, my dads been great, he's helped with everything, not sure I could get through it on my own. I've been in regular contact with my family down south too. My OH has taken some time off work to ferry us about too so I don't have to drive, which is probably good for me at the moment.