I miss my mum and am really strugerling

[twinkletoedelephant]

My mum died 3 years ago. I miss her so much. I just feel so alone.

Life has got so hard. Me and dh have 3 children which my mum loved the bones of :-)

My eldest only just remembers her Nana and the twins don't at all.

2 of the children have ASD and one has ADHD ( also suspected ASD but hard to DX with the ASD as well) dh finally got a job after months of unemployment following redundancy but it mean a very long commute and he's gone from 630am till 7+ pm every day so I am alone dealing with the children's needs. Which is exhausting.

My father who I adored was remarried within the year, to a woman who never hid our dislike for us, she threw out most of my mums things keeping whatever she wanted and skipping the rest.

My father hasn't spoken to us in months and either doesn't get or doesn't return any calls we make. He suggested he waits until the children grow out of their autism before he spends time with them. But takes his wife's grandchild same age as my twins out at the weekends and collects him from school. I have also heard from a neighbours daughter he is selling up and moving 200 miles away, leaving me and my sister to care for our brother ( severe LD in residential care)

My mum was the 1 person who l could have turned to and she's gone it's just not bloody fair. :-(

I didn't want your post to go unanswered.
Before you started on any of the other information, just letting you know that 3 yrs is no time at all, and perfectly normal to still be missing your Mum.

Clearly, there have been lots of other challenges for you and your family too. Sadly, I think you may have to accept that you aren't going to see your Dad much at all, and perhaps work on all the positives that you have, and how you can make life a little bit easier for yourself.
For me, that would definitely involve joining a support group - be it for parents of dc with special needs, or be it a bereavement group. To be honest, even if it were a hobby just one evening a week once your dh got in. I think with your long days looking after the children, it's just really important to fix 2 hours a week where someone calls you by your first name and just asks you how you are. NAS often run them, or Contact a Family will put you in touch with groups in your locality.

I don't know if you like exercise, or singing, or reading, or what, but ringfence 2 hours to get your endorphins moving will make the world of difference to your energy levels and the strength to go on.

Life is certainly not fair, but, the best thing for you is to accept this is where you are at the moment, and try to take small steps to a happier place.

Oh, and keep talking about your Mum, so your dc will feel they know her, even if they don't actually remember her