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Do you mind if I talk to you about my Dad?

8 replies

Leavingsosoon · 23/10/2015 20:51

My dad has been dead for just over four years now and of course it's got easier in some ways.

What isn't easy is knowing I'll never speak to him again.

I loved talking to my dad. He taught me to read as a little girl - I was very young when I learned to read, and have always been an avid reader because of his influence. He was a deputy headteacher in a secondary school for most of my life and he used to take books from the stock cupboard at his school for me to read. A lot of the time they were a little old for me but I still read them. When I started secondary school, he used to take annotated Shakespeare plays home for me and I learned to love Shakespeare through this.

His degree was in history. He was such a clever man - I used to love the fact I could just say 'dad, why did the Roman Empire end?' or 'dad, how did the great fire of London start?' and he'd know. I honestly thought he knew everything! He spoke three languages, knew lots about geography, current affairs, literature - I can honestly say most of what I know today about the natural world, history, literature, art - is because of him.

He encouraged me to learn music and when I was small I said I wanted to give up the piano as I found it hard. He said I could but asked if I would try to learn his favourite song first (Let It Be!) He said he would be so proud of me if I did and of course, by the time I'd mastered that, I was reasonably accomplished.

My mum loved me, but she didn't really like me much or understand me. My dad obviously adored me and was very proud of me and it gave me such a lot of confidence.

He died four years ago, and he wasn't even 70. Just mid sixties. I still don't fully understand how and why but I don't need to, I just miss him. DS is doing a project at school about world war 2. My dad would have loved it.

OP posts:
Ilikesweetpeas · 23/10/2015 20:56

Your dad sounds like he was a lovely caring man who passed away far too young Flowers

Leavingsosoon · 23/10/2015 20:57

Thank you :)

He was - he went rather peculiar after my mum died, when I was in my mid teens, but he was still my hero and I really, really miss him.

OP posts:
mrssmith79 · 23/10/2015 20:59

He sounds wonderful, I'm sure you have a ton of happy memories to share with your DS as he grows. Flowers

Shakey15000 · 23/10/2015 21:00

Oh that made me well up. He sounds just wonderful. How very lucky you were for him to pass on some much to you. His passion for learning, his reading and what sounds like his unending patience and love for you. It's very easy to see why you would miss him so much. Because he gave so much of himself to you. That's such a thing to treasure I think. I say, think, as my Dad passed when I was 4 so I never really got to know him. I often still fantasise about the kind of relationship we would have had. And I know, from the little you wrote, that I would have hoped to have had a relationship like you and your Dad did. How so wonderfully lovely, and I can't imagine just how many precious memories you must have to look back on, grieve and in time, enjoy.

I adore Shakespeare also and it must be one of the very special icings on the cake for you, that you shared this appreciation for the language.

I'm sure he was very proud of you and loved you very much. Thanks

OrangeRhinoInTraining · 23/10/2015 21:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Leavingsosoon · 23/10/2015 21:02

Thank you Flowers Shakey, how sad that you never really knew your Dad; I am sure he'd be very proud of you, too xx

OP posts:
Mintyy · 23/10/2015 21:03

Enormous sympathies to you op Flowers.

My ddad also died 4 years ago. But I was not close to him like you were with yours. I hardly think about my father now and I don't miss him at all.

I know you are suffering, but I honestly think the close relationship you had was worth the loss you feel now (iyswim). Think back on the close/good times, you were so lucky to have had them. I hope you can find a way through the feeling of loss in due course.

Shakey15000 · 23/10/2015 22:22

Thank you also leaving

Yes, it's a constant longing/sadness, the not knowing. In no way shape or form, minimising your great loss, at least you knew you know? It doesn't help not having a great relationship with my mother. Kind of feels like I don't know what it's like to have a Mum or a Dad. I do so very much hope he is proud of me. I've dealt with a lot and many times, I would give anything so have a conversation with him, just to have a cuddle.

Anyway, enough self pity from moi, tell us more. I bet he was well loved in the community as well? Has your Mum passed also? As you spoke of her in past tense. What was his favourite Shakespeare? I played Viola in Twelfth Night about 5 years ago and it was my favourite part ever (helped I had a drop dead Orsino Wink ) As your son is doing a history project, I take it your Dad had a chance to meet his Grandson? How proud he must have been Smile

It's funny, I have always been a singer and thought that I was the only one in my family that had anything "arty" about them until my Mum mentioned when I was about THIRTY Hmm that "Oh no, your father had a lovely voice" Things like that, that would be SO important for me to know, she doesn't pass on!

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