MC at 12 weeks and feeling sad

[Taichimum]

I have just had mc at 12 weeks, 4 days before my scan which was due today. Started bleeding on Sun morning but a week before my stomach just felt strange, heavy and bloated and I felt sick. I felt in my heart something had gone wrong. It is strange how you know somehow.
The bleeding was so heavy I went to A&E after a couple of hours. Saw 'products'as doctors called them on a scan but nothing that clearly resembled a baby. They insisted on D+C because I was loosing so much blood. I then passed out on the anesthetist apparently and it was all a bit of an emergency- I thought it was just the anesthetic at the time, but now it seems I went to hospital just in time. I am glad to have had the D&C personally. I thought the actual mc was horrific with all sorts of really big bits of clots and matter coming out. I was frightened of seeing my baby go down the toilet. I didn't, but now it bothers me that I don't know where the baby went- was it down the loo or the D+C? It also bothers me that I don't know when the baby died or why. Do these thoughts go away after a while?
After the D+C I felt glad it was all over and glad that I would not bleed for days or months like some people do. However, I had lost so much blood they nearly gave me a blood transfusion but then changed their minds thank god. However I am left feeling weak dizzy and shaky and have anemia as a result of mc and I can't even pick up my ds. Luckily my DH is at home taking care of us.

I am now back home I feel devastated. I am surprised at the extent of my grieving for someone I never knew and never was. I think it is the shock of having life growing inside you and suddenly it is gone, especially as we thought we were through the danger period and had names, double buggys etc on our minds already. Next time I will not take anything for granted until by baby is born, assuming we can have another one.

Just wondered how long I should expect to feel upset and what peoples experiences are about trying again. My gut reaction at the moment is to get pregnant as soon as my anemia passes to fill the emotional void I feel. Is it too simplistic to think that being pg again will make this all go away?

Thanks for sharing your stories with me. Duchess you are right I am feeling much better now and my anemia has passed. My period came on New years day which was a sign of positive times to come in 2007. Emotionally still sad when i let myself think think about it or when I see pregnant friends and colleagues. I guess that bit takes a long time.
In terms of trying again, we already are although I am not looking forward to being pregnant again with all the stress of 'what if it happens again'. Until the next baby is born I will not believe there is a healthy child there. It does not help that two more of my friends have had mc's over Christmas. It is wierd as I was so excited and happy when I was pg the other two times. I know I never will feel like that again.

I'm so sorry Taichium. I hope you feel better soon.

Taichimum I had my 2nd mc on christmas day at nearly 11 weeks so now how you are feelin. I too am trying again - not that I have a period yet! But am also paranond that i will never have a baby again! Although I cannot think like that - I have to stay postive that I will and I can have another baby!