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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

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Original poster

When does viewing the body happen?

15 replies

Summersalmostgone · 23/08/2015 04:52

My wonderful Dad has died tonight. I'm not close to where he lived but would like to go and see him.

Does anybody know when this would be possible? I'm not going to be involved in arrangements so don't know who else to ask.

OP posts:

JeanSeberg · 23/08/2015 05:02

Sorry to hear about your dad.

You should be able to see him in a few days, once the undertakers have prepared everything. When you know who the undertaker will be, you can give them a call to arrange a time.

Original poster

Summersalmostgone · 23/08/2015 06:10

Thanks.
I'm supposed to be going away for a few days today and I just don't know what to do for the best.

OP posts:

bsmirched · 23/08/2015 06:45

Sorry about your Dad. If it's any help, you can visit any time up to the day of the funeral. I saw my dad twice, the second time being the afternoon before the funeral.

Original poster

Summersalmostgone · 23/08/2015 06:48

Thanks that's good to know.

Did it help you to see him? My dad's death has been sudden and unexpected, though he has been ill for ages but was doing really well. The last time I saw him we had a lovely family day out. I'm in two minds as to whether to keep that as my final image of him. But part of me just wants to see him.

OP posts:

PunkrockerGirl · 23/08/2015 07:18

Sorry about your dad
When you know who the undertaker are, give them a ring and ask them to let you know when it's ok to go and see your dad. Like bsmirched, I saw my dad a couple of times before the funeral.

VulcanWoman · 23/08/2015 07:23

Sorry for your loss.
You should be able go any time when the funeral directors are open, you could give them a call.
My personal opinion is that going to see our loved one is an important part of the grieving process but you shouldn't feel pressured into it if it doesn't feel right.

WeAllHaveWings · 23/08/2015 14:17

Sorry for your loss Summer.

When my dad died last year, and its all a bit of a blur, I can remember the funeral director asking if anyone would want to see dad, if anyone did they would do preparations to the body for viewing. We decided not to.

You should ask whoever is arranging the funeral if they have asked for the body to be prepared for viewings, and I am not sure if they would need to advise the funeral director that you were going to make contact for a viewing (as the funeral director wont know you if you haven't been involved in the arrangements).

Backinthe1960s · 23/08/2015 18:02

I chose not to see my wife when she at the undertaker's but I could have seen her up to the morning of her funeral. I chose not to because I wanted my last memory of her to be in our house and not in a place I didn't know.

EngTech · 23/08/2015 19:46

I chose not to see my Dad as I to wanted to remember him while he was alive although in hospital in a coma

No right answer but whatever you feel is right is the main thing

Mermaidhair · 24/08/2015 04:35

I saw my dh. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to picture him any other way after though. The image just pop into my head, but I mostly see him how he was. My dh was 4 hours after he had passed. I'm not sure if they put make up on them when you see them in the funeral home, but be prepared. They do not look like they are asleep, it is obvious they have passed. Not in an awful way, it is just different.

LuckyBitches · 24/08/2015 15:46

I didn't see my brother, although I wanted to. We saw his coffin in the funeral parlour, but it was closed casket for some reason. I wish I could have seen him, as I think I spent a lot of time in denial about his death, even though I was there when it was imminent (he had cancer).

MrsTedCrilly · 27/09/2015 11:21

So sorry for your loss OP I lost my dad 7 months ago. You will get chance to see him. It really helped me as he looked so peaceful.. His face has been so scrunched up the months beforehand, in pain from lung cancer. I saw him just after he died too which was quite distressing so seeing him at the chapel of rest was healing. It also helped me accept he had gone.

lazysummer · 27/09/2015 23:05

So sorry for all of your losses. I saw my mum, and it really helped with the funeral- I could picture her in the coffin. There's no right answer.
I would say to anyone unsure: keep your options open. I didn't think I would need to see her, as I was there when she passed. However, I did want to see her before the funeral, and was grateful that we had agreed to keep the coffin open.
There are no rights and wrongs- everyone should follow their instincts.

slithytove · 27/09/2015 23:34

I saw my daughter, but we had to wait for her to get back from postmortem.

We made an appointment and made some requests in advance.

I'm sorry for your loss

tilliebob · 03/10/2015 10:06

I lost my dad on the 19th August and due to legal guff up here we couldn't see him until 8 days later. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to see him and say goodbye but I went to see him with my mum and my eldest do (16). They were both apprehensive but glad they went whereas me, who was determined that I was going, was really shaken up by it. However it got us all through the funeral the following Monday as we all knew that the spark that made my dad my dad had long since gone. We were worse at my granny's (dads mum) funeral 3 years ago...and she was 93!

Although I was in the hospital, there afterwards, saw dad, went to the funeral and now the ashes burial, nothing is real yet.

Much love to all

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