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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

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Original poster

MY dear old dad

19 replies

derxa · 31/07/2015 20:25

Sorry if this is the wrong place to post but my 92 yr old dad hasn't got long to go. We've had our ups and downs but we're at peace with each other now. I can't bear to see him like this.

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kansasmum · 31/07/2015 20:33

Didn't want to read and run. So sorry about your Dad. I lost my lovely 92 year old Dad 2 years ago. I'm glad you are both at peace with each other.
It's very hard to watch someone you love slowly fading away.
Have you got support/ nursing/ carers in place to help?

Original poster

derxa · 31/07/2015 20:48

kansasmum
He's in the local cottage hospital - so in good hands
thanks darling

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CharleyDavidson · 31/07/2015 20:51

Wow! 92. What a life he must have led so far. What things he must have seen/experienced.

Glad that you have found peace with each other. My own Ddad isn't 70 yet and he has just months left, according to his specialist. I'm torn between hoping he lasts as long as possible, then hoping that he doesn't have to go through unnecessary suffering. It truly is horrible and I feel for you to e going through it.

Original poster

derxa · 31/07/2015 21:14

Yes an amazing life. He has been a farmer all his life. He took up racehorse breeding at 80. My brother died at 32 and that is a tragedy.
I will honour his life.

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LillianGish · 31/07/2015 23:08

Just lost my lovely dad at the age of 82. His funeral is next week. He had been ill for a while but went very peacefully in the end holding my mum's hand. Just talking to my mum this evening saying I felt much more distressed when he was ill (where you are now) than I do now. Knowing he had a peaceful death and is no longer suffering is a huge consolation - much more than I thought it would be. Wonderful to be able to make your peace before he dies too.

kansasmum · 01/08/2015 22:33

I nursed my darling Dad for the last 2 weeks at home. My mum is very difficult and didn't cope well with dad dying, understandably to some degree.
My darling dad was very matter of fact and said 'after 92 years something had to get me!' We had hospice support & they were great. I cried on their shoulder a few times.
Cottage hospital sounds good. Hopefully the staff are supporting you too.
I read Wind in the Willows to my Dad during his last days as he read it to me as a little girl.
I hope you manage to spend lots of time with your Dad.

Original poster

derxa · 09/08/2015 02:48

My dad died yesterday. Finding it so much more difficult than I thought I would. kansasmum Thanks for your comforting words. It sounds similar except my mum died 15 years ago.

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AcrossthePond55 · 09/08/2015 04:10

I'm so sorry for your loss. Just grieve in the way that's right for you. Remember the good times and let anything else go.

My own dad was my hero and my 'knight in shining armour'. No man, not even my DH, will ever equal him in my eyes. He's been gone almost 16 years and I still miss him.

Be kind to yourself.

ajandjjmum · 09/08/2015 04:23

Sorry for your loss derxa.

Miss my Dad too after 12 years, but know how lucky I was to have him. Know exactly what you mean AcrossthePond.

gregsageek · 10/08/2015 02:15

So sorry about your Dad, Derxa. My lovely Dad died at 91 at the end of last year. Remember that your bereavement is yours, and no one else's, and let yourself feel however you want to. It will get easier. I did think we were lucky to have my Dad for as long as we did, although I'm not sure that will help you right now. I love that you said you will honour his life - I feel the same, trying (but normally failing!) to be more like he was.

Original poster

derxa · 19/08/2015 10:59

It was my dad's funeral yesterday and all went well except for one thing. The man who was helping to care for my dad completely snubbed me at the funeral and was really rude. He told me when my dad went into hospital that I was sending him into hospital to die! He was also remunerated quite well for his efforts. He made me feel terrible yesterday. There were hundreds at the funeral and he made me feel like shit.

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ajandjjmum · 31/08/2015 11:47

Don't let one man - probably working on his own agenda - take away from the fact that hundreds came to remember your Dad.

Take care of yourself.

Original poster

derxa · 31/08/2015 14:46

ajandjjmum Thanks for replying. I don't feel well today and the whole thing has hit me hard. Someone phoned me today and in the course of the conversation said that this man had accosted him at the hospital and said, 'This isn't right. Derxa's dad should not be in hospital'. This other man said it was my decision and had nothing to do with anyone else. He stormed off in a huff.

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ajandjjmum · 02/09/2015 11:21

It obviously wasn't your decision - the medics would have decided it was the best place for your Dad under the circumstances. They don't just give out hospital beds because it suits someone, so the chap is being an idiot - he also seems rather over-invested in someone else's family, so I'd try and forget his existence.

Hope you're having a better day today.

Original poster

derxa · 02/09/2015 11:35

They don't just give out hospital beds because it suits someone That remark has made me feel a whole lot better. So glad you posted. So many kind people on MN despite a lot of goady shit on silly threads.

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MrsMiniver · 04/09/2015 19:54

I'm sorry that this unpleasant man has marred things for you. Try not to give him another thought. My dear old dad (aged 88) died about 3 weeks ago and the funeral was last week. We had our ups and downs too but in the last few months of is life, I realised how utterly I loved him.

Nothing prepares you for the loss of your father - even if he's very old and the death is expected. He'll always be your daddy and you'll always be his little girl. The tears are never far away but I'm sure that in time you'll be able to feel glad that you had so long with him and that he had such a full life. I'm so sorry that you lost your brother so young and hope you have good support now.

Original poster

derxa · 04/09/2015 20:01

MrsMiniver (Lovely name) Thank you so much, Yes you've summed it up
Sorry for the loss of your dear old dad too

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SaskiaRembrandtWasFramed · 04/09/2015 20:31

I'm sorry for you loss :( I lost my dad a few years ago, it is very difficult. Logically, you know they will probably go before you, but it's still awful when it happens

Ignore the troublemaker - I don't why but death seems to bring out the worst in some people.

Original poster

derxa · 04/09/2015 20:57

Thank you Saskia I think the neighbour lost the plot. I don't want him to be unhappy either. He did look after my dad but I think he began to think he was the son.

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