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Bereavement

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Hands up if you're still lurking on your old antenatal thread...

19 replies

duchesse · 20/11/2006 14:30

Sad but true- I am. Can't seem to stop picking at that scab.

Am I the only one?

OP posts:
indignatio · 20/11/2006 14:34

Nope - you are not the only one - I only do it occasionally - the need to torture myself isn't as great now as it has been

Sending you a cyber hug

thehairybabysmum · 20/11/2006 16:01

Also have had an occaisional peek.

Have also just noticed the July 07 thread on active convos which of course just made me think of the June thread. Were you on June too, your name rings a bell??

At least you know now you're not the only one.

duchesse · 20/11/2006 17:49

Nope- was on the April one. I had a relatively late first trimester miscarriage (13 weeks), just about a month ago.

OP posts:
gillian1973 · 20/11/2006 23:46

yup, what is it with this torture? I keep peeking into the May 07 thread and feeling very jealous!

Nice to see I am not alone though....

Uki · 21/11/2006 02:07

I must admit, I have to try hard to refrain, but manage not to look, was due in feb and also had lateish m/c 12 weeks. feels like due date is now just around the corner, and not pg yet.

AitchTwoOh · 21/11/2006 02:19

i wasn't on mumsnet when i lost my two earlier pregnancies, but i do know how it feels to pick those scabs.

if it's any comfort, i really dreaded the due date of the first baby and yet when it came round it was like a wee sigh that i'd been holding in for nine months had been released.

it was much, much less frightening and horrible a day than i had thought, i'd really dreaded it and made myself quite sick with the anticipation. it didn't help that everyone in the known world was pregnant at the time.

in the end i found my due dates quite healing, really and truly. you kind of feel like you can make friends with the body that let you down so badly again, iykwim? or at least i did.

i do think about those babies, and dh bought a piece of jewellery for me to commemorate each of them and i don't put them on without thinking about what might have been. but the pain, i promise, has subsided a lot and now i do so with a sense of wistfulness rather than tears splashing down my face.

oh dear, long post. sorry. i hope that your experiences are as healing as i found mine to be. it's a sad time.

Juicylucythe2nd · 21/11/2006 09:56

I did it once or twice after m/c'ing in May (Due Dec thread).

Managed to stop myself after that as I found it really was too painful.

foundintranslationnothere · 22/11/2006 23:00

I've just been on here to answer a mc thread. And saw the April 07 AN thread title: 'Hold on to your Hamburgers'.
I would have been due in April. And miscarried that pregnancy in - Hamburg.

AitchTwoOh · 23/11/2006 17:29

fit. hope it drops off active convos...

duchesse · 23/11/2006 17:39

It was mine too, FiT. The hamburger thing is to do with a chance remark by someone's ultrasound consultant, when working out a baby's sex.

Unlikely to drop off the active thread for a while yet, AitchTwoOh- the April antenatal seems to be one of the most active threads on MN at the moment- upwards of 20 messages a day...

OP posts:
pinkranger · 23/11/2006 17:52

i also keep going into the Due in march , lost mine in August at 10 weeks xx

Why do we keep torturing ourselfs !!

ShowOfHands · 23/11/2006 18:00

I was the opposite. If I saw the thread in active convos I would physically recoil and close the screen. I couldn't have opened the thread let alone read it. We all deal with it in such different ways. I don't know if it helps at all, but now that I'm on another Antenatal thread (May 07), every time I post I think how lucky I am to be doing so and I have a little think about all the women who can't be doing the same thing.

hertsnessex · 26/11/2006 00:07

i used to. when it got to my edd it was too painful and i stopped.

cx

foundintranslationnothere · 26/11/2006 00:11

'S alright now, I'm over the punch-in-the-stomach moment and just don't 'see' it now.

SOH, that's lovely.

foundintranslationnothere · 26/11/2006 00:12

(sorry, I mean your thinking of others is lovely)

DimpledThighs · 26/11/2006 00:33

it is a cliche but time heals the pain. You always think it will hit you this hard forever, but it doesn't. It's not that you forget but the pain kind of changes into love and sadness - that is what I have now but no pain.

Hang on in there. I used to pick at the wound just to feel how deep the pain would go, for some it may be part of the healing process. Do what feels right, do one day at a time, don't rush yourself and pull yourself together for anyone else's sake but your own.

M/c is horrible and completely underestimated by many people. Take comfort taht others understand your pain.

Best wishes.

1becomes3 · 27/11/2006 16:46

Hi duchesse I never got a chance to say how sorry I was for you as I was on hols at the time.
Hope that you are keeping well. LOL and Hugs.

Foundintranslationonthere- just to let you know that everyone from the april thread is sorry for any hurt caused by the name of that thread. LOL

duchesse · 27/11/2006 20:50

Thank you, 1b3. There's really no need to apologise.

I am not so upset as I am disappointed, as I always felt there was something wrong- I just felt so ill and so run down and sick, even throughout the night, I was convinced that something was wrong.

It was less of a surprise for me to be told that Vlad had died than it was for my poor husband- we'd had so many scares, yet every time Vlad had pulled through, that he expected the little thing to be fine that time too. S/he just wasn't meant to be. I was almost relieved when I had the ERPC (does that sound as terrible as I think it does?) because it meant an end to a horrible pregnancy.

OP posts:
MerlinsBeard · 27/11/2006 20:56

i have popped back onto mine a few times now, i made a few friends on there and at first it was my way iof being in denial about it, now i go on to see how they are. It hurts a Bloody Lot and i really need to stop doing it. due date only a month away amd its not getting any easier

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