This week we lost our baby boy at 36 weeks. It was a rapid, very early morning dash to hospital and DD was unaware of what was happening apart from that we were going to hospital and her grandma would take her to school.
DD is 3.8. Smart, articulate but emotionally still very much a three-year-old. We spent lots of time preparing her for becoming a big sister, that there was a baby growing inside mummy, and what life was going to be like with a new baby. She took it all in, was so excited and was looking forward to cuddling baby, etc.
We've explained as best we can that the baby has died, and so he can't come home with us. She has met him and had a cuddle and we explained that because he had died, that we had to say goodbye to him. She knows that this makes mummy and daddy feel sad.
She has come across death before, in that her great-grandma died last year, and in some ways she seems to understand. She asked if GGM was going to look after baby, because they have both died. But she didn't see GGM very often, so weeks could go by without her coming up in conversation whereas we talked about this baby every day, he was part of our lives in a very different way. She'd felt him moving.
I want to be honest with her and explain things to her, but without causing unnecessary upset. But, I'm struggling to know what to say (as much my own feelings as anything else). For example when she seems to have forgotten, and asks where the baby is, is it still in my tummy, when is he coming home, etc. We keep to the same simple version of what we've already said but I don't know if this is the right thing to do. Any advice?