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Bereavement

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life after the death of my father

7 replies

lars · 29/04/2004 11:12

Just needed to express my thoughts today. I miss my dad so much and although I put on a brave face to the outside world, I just find it hard to face the fact that I won't ever see him again. Some of you may have read my thread when my father died and how sudden it was.I think of him every day and my life feels so empty and feels so strange without him. It's hard to feel happy again and how long will I feel like this?
I see my mum on her own and it breaks my heart and I don't like going to my mum's house now.
Just feels empty without him. Larsxx

OP posts:
spacemonkey · 29/04/2004 11:30

Hugs to you lars XXX

lars · 29/04/2004 11:39

Thanks spacemonkey larsxx

OP posts:
butterflymum · 29/04/2004 12:04

Sorry I don't know the background to your story, but I would like to send my support to you regardless. Express your thoughts as much as you want, in doing so you will be on the way to coping better.

My own dear dad died suddenly, two years ago today (5 weeks before our youngest was born). We still think about him and miss him terribly and like you, feel so sad for mum being on her own. However, this said, things do 'move on'.

We still talk about dad and often share memories with mum and our own children by way of stories, photos etc. I often find myself saying to my mum/hubby/children 'Dad/Papa would have loved ...(this place or that situation)". Not in a morbid way, but as a part of remembering him, as we often then recall a story or happening about him and it brings a smile to our faces.

In truth, I cannot say that the 'empty' or 'strange' feelings ever really go, but they do mellow with time (hard as this may be to accept at the moment).

Keep your special love for your dad a living part of your life and you will be able to move on. Share this love and memories with your mum and give her as much support as you can in her life too, after all, she has to move on also. We may not 'like' doing something that has 'sad' memory associations for us (going to the house etc) but doing these are all part of nature's healing ways.

Take care.

butterfly

funkydiva · 29/04/2004 12:31

Lars, I'm sorry I don't know the background to you losing your father, but I am very touched by what you have written and can sympathise with you. I lost my own dad when I was just 15 (over half my lifetime ago) and was heartbroken, I still miss him and think about him usually in connection with my children and wish they could have seen each other.
It is terribly hard when you lose someone so close, but like butterly said the feelings of loss do mellow with time, although I don't think they ever go. But, you will always have lots of lovely memories of him to cherish.
Take care.X

israel · 29/04/2004 12:37

oh! lars...my heart goes out to you..
Bereavement is awful. Somedays won't be as bad for you as others. This feeling of loss will never go away but you will learn to live with it. I lost my own dear father last Sept and miss him dearly....but it was my mothers death twenty years ago (suddenly) which affected me more. If someone dies so quickly the words of comfort from others seem to mean nothing...you will just have this awful emptyness.
You and your mum will be hurting so much you will not be able to help each other with the grief....I really do understand and if I could be there for you I would be...please accept my hearfelt thoughts.

lou33 · 29/04/2004 12:57

So sorry you are feeling like this lars, i completely understand how you are feeling. Five years on I still feel the same about my mum dying. I miss her incredibly, and even catch myself picking up the phone to call her sometimes. I have some very low times, when I don't think I will ever get over her death, but there ARE days when I feel ok, so it is true that in a way it does get easier to deal with. I had a lot of support from m'netters when I posted on the anniversay of my mum dying, so I hope our collective support helps you in some way, however small.

lars · 29/04/2004 13:41

Thanks to all of you, reading all your postings has been a comfort to me. I've had a good cry today and feel better for that. larsxx

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