Lost my mum when I was 13 and getting married this year

[Eire1900]

Hi ladies,
I lost my mum when I was 13 to cancer, initially she had breast cancer which spread to a brain tumour. That was 14 years ago and to an extent I've always dealt with things really well. However I'm getting married this year and I'm really starting to miss her, like her death was yesterday. I feel really lonely, even though I have my husband-to-be and others around me, there's a gap and a loneliness that I can't fill. I've never missed her like this and I think it must be something to do with the wedding. Basically I've always been really strong and focused. I lost my dad when I was 8 and then my mum as mentioned at 13, but I've always remained focused and achieved good grades, a good career, worked hard to become a homeowner at a young age etc. I've never really allowed myself to dwell on how much I miss her so I was wondering if anyone in the same situation on here could maybe share their experiences of missing their mum? As I don't think I've ever allowed myself to miss her properly up until now? x

Thank you Springtimemama, those are some lovely ideas and I'll be sure to incorporate some of them into my wedding day x

Eire I think what you are feeling is completely natural . I lost my mum a lot older than you but she was very ill when I got married and never really met her gc.
Because weddings/ births etc are so tired up with family your thoughts are bound to be with your mum (and dad).
I would give yourself some time to feel these feelings. Don't brush them aside as "silly". At the same time remember your wedding is a very special time and your mum would want you to be very happy.
Have you got a good friend who can spoil you a bit ? Take you out for lunch. I think the hardest thing about losing parents is that nobody really puts you first as a parent would (even partners are not great at this). Give yourself permission to be spoilt and looked after a bit. It's sound like you have always been very strong. Well done. It's ok to feel a bit vulnerable too.
Have a wonderful wedding .

Minilegofigure I'm so sorry to hear that your mum was very poorly at the time of your wedding, that must have been incredibly difficult for you and your mum and I'm sorry to hear of her passing too. I think you're absolutely right in the things you have said and I think I am missing the 'quality time' and special moments with my mum in the run up to the wedding that I've seen so many of my friends share with their mums. I never really felt the need for those things as such, but for the first time in my life now I do. Thank you for your kind wishes and useful comments and all the best to you and your family x

A v lovely idea, thank you