meeting pregnant friend & work colleague after M/C

[gillian1973]

Hi all,
I suffered a M/C just over a week ago at 9 wks (baby stopped developing at 6 wks). I am due to go back to work on Monday but I am planning to pop into work for a meeting this Thursday.

A friend and work colleague is pregnant and 6 wks ahead of what I would have been so it is going to be very real to me to feel my loss everyday at work.

I have asked to meet her for lunch before I go into the office on Thursday so as to get over the shock of seeing her and the bump.

Any words of advice? I don't know how I am going to react. This is the first time I will see someone that knew I was pregnant and I have since told about the miscarriage.

Firstly, gillian1973, I am so sorry to hear about your loss.

It's going to be very tough for you, I'm sure. I don't have any words of advice really but I couldn't not post.

Thanks bubble99.

I saw her at lunchtime today and at least we did not both burst into tears which is what I feared! I have asked her to enjoy her pregnancy but to please be very sensitive around me when discussing scans, prams and babies as it is not what I want to hear right now (and for a while).

I am keeping strong but have good days and bad days. I thought today was going to be a bad day until I saw my GP who was so positive about my chances of conceiving again and going full term that I wish she moved in with us! I am under doctors orders to enjoy myself and give my next pregnancy as best a chance as I can.

I wish this positiveness lasted though, the bad days are horrible....

gillian, I'm so sorry about your loss. FWiW, I think you handled the situation with your colleague v. sensibly. You are very strong in facing your loss headon and not burying things.

I did not tell anyone at work and just carried the hurt inside. But then I did not have to deal with a pregnant colleague. However, a mum at dd's nursery subsequently announced she was expecting, due in the same month I would have. I sometimes wonder what it would have been if I carried my angel to term, even though I conceived 6 months later and now have a lovely ds 6 weeks.

I really hope it happens for you again soon
((((hugs))))

Thanks blueshoes, congrats on your new baby! Thank you for your positiveness

I know it may sound harsh but I knew the risks of early pregnancy since a friend has had 4 m/c in three years. I was under no illusions and I didn't go baby mad and prayed everyday that it would be OK and the horrible first 12 weeks would be over quickly. It was not meant to be but it still was a horrible shock.

If it had not been for my pregnant colleague I would have kept the news quiet, but I work in a small organisation and dreaded the baby discussions to come. At least everyone knows now.

Gillian, I'm so sorry for you.
I lost my first baby at 14 wks (same problem as you) and one of my best friends was 4 wks ahead of me. Her ds is almost 4 now and I often think of my baby because of him.
I'm glad I was honest and open about everything, for both our sakes, it is an awful situation but I think they way I tackled it helped me deal with it.
However I wish I had thought about this at the time as I went on to lose another 3, and didn't tell many people. I thought it would have been easier. Those who didn't know were constantly asking where I'd been, had I been ill etc and then I regretted not having been honest.
In the future if it ever arises again though, I will be open again and spare myself the hurt. And I hope you feel you have done right, I really think you have. It is awkward for the pregnant person too, so it's good for them to know where they stand.

I have the most wonderful ds now though, you will have one day too. Take care x

Thank you for those really kind words bramblina. Not having a good day as just heard my cousin had a baby girl last night and now waiting to hear from DH's step sister who is due any day now. Both their firsts just like I would have been and I did feel vey bitter about it this morning

gillian that hurt will never go.

I have been thru the same. Women around me have gone on to have babies and I still have none.
One colleague who has also suffered m/c's burst into tears when she told me she was pregnant she said she felt guilty as she had finally suceeded and I am still trying. SHe has a lovely dd now. I have seen her but just did not have the strength to pick her up. I sometimes think my reactions are quite odd. I went to DH's neices daughters christening and did not even go near her (the baby). I am just not ready.

Everyone reacts differnently and I really admire the way in which you dealt with the work issues.
I have been thru this so many times now and am waiting for an op to hopefully rectify all. My human resource dept has insisted that my work is restricted.... This has been ongoing since April....Can you imagine what looks and questions I get of my colleagues... Only 2 close work colleagues are aware the rest are in the dark.

I really wish you all the best and am sure that when you are ready you will have your baby.

Gillian - have just happened upon this thread - I am so sorry for your loss.

I just wanted to say that the way you described how you dealt with your pregnant work colleague was so impressive - I have had 2 mc this year (at 7 and 15 weeks), and during that time 2 of my work colleagues have given birth, and another 3 are pregnant. It does get easier to deal with people being pregnant around you, I promise.

I found it much easier to slot back into work this last time, as everybody had been aware that I was pg, and many were aware of the fact that I had had the 1st mc, and colleagues are mostly very sensitive to the situation.

As for the feeling of bitterness when you hear of other's healthy babies, that too is completely normal. You are allowed to be angry that you lost your baby. I really hope you heal from this quickly.

take care, and heal.
ejt

Hi Gillian

Im so sorry to hear of your loss and hope you are feeling physically well, I know the other bit takes quite a lot longer.

I know exactly how you felt about seeing someone pregnant, two years ago I had a miscarriage at 15 nearly 16 weeks, at the time my sister in law was 22 weeks pregnant fortunately she lived in Edinburgh and we didnt see her that often but the first time I had to see her was 4 weeks after the miscarriage, I remember feeling physically sick, it was very hard. I just got through it then went and cried my eyes out in private with dh.

You dont forget though, I still think about that baby Jac I called him (not sure if it was a boy but to me it was)

I had a lovely little poem that a friend sent me, at the moment I cant find it, its packed in a little memory box when I find it I will post it