DH angry at me since FIL died

[RabbitsGoMoo]

They were estranged, I am separated from DH but usually amicable and had been on route to reconciling our relationship prior to the news.

Since he found out DH has been very hateful towards me and kept me entirely seperate from his grief and new found family I don't think know I exist or if they do I assume they believe I am well out of the picture. DH has discovered all these relatives since finding out who never contacted him before.

I did know my FIL for a few short years and liked him very much and found him supportive but DH banned me and my son from contact with him when they parted ways a year ago. I often suggested he tried to make peace which I think may be a large source of the hatred to me

I know everyone grieves differently, I'm lost as to what to do with this. Iv somehow become the enemy and FIL now is almost sainted.

Do I go to the memorial service? Or stay away? I don't know which is better or worse or most respectful to FIL. Everything I do is wrong or has an ulterior motive in DHs eyes.

I realise it is almost a fortnight since you posted so perhaps the service has taken place. Unless DH point blank tells you not to attend, I would go quietly and sit at the back.

Unfortunately a major upset like this can play havoc with emotions and one way of coping is to lash out at someone trusted yet at a safe distance. In this case, you.

All I can say (and I know it comes across as a platitude, sorry) is, time heals. I think the ball is in DH's court.