Cards for family

[AnkhMorporkAssassinsGuild]

My sil died unexpectedly 2 days ago, does anyone know what the protocol is for sending cards to my in-laws, ie her parents?

Do DH & I send cards or would it not be expected as she is DHs sister?

I'm so sorry for your loss - I'm not sure what the protocol is but I doubt if my brother died that I'd send a card to my mum as although obviously unlikely to feel it as strongly as she would, it would definitely be a massive loss for me too & I'd be dealing with my own loss as well as trying to support my mum.

Send them a letter, not a card. A letter is far more personal.

Thank you for the advice, we've spoken to them on the phone, (we aren't local to family) will be going back for the funeral. I guess I was thinking along the lines of when someone dies you send a sympathy card, but this is something we never saw coming or expected, and have no idea how to "behave" - if that makes sense.

DH is devastated, the whole family is really, we are all still trying to get to grips and come to terms with it at the moment, struggling to believe she's gone, whilst floundering around trying to work out what we are supposed to do.

Thanks again

So sorry, ankh in all my pontificating about letters I forgot to acknowledge your loss.

It's a difficult one, and depends on when you want to send it. I've sent a letter after an expected death, more time to reflect on the meaning of the loss to the bereaved. One I sent for an unexpected loss (stillbirth) was sent to arrive around about the time of the funeral I couldn't attend and reflected this. In each case the recipient was especially pleased to receive a letter, and said so. I don't say this to big me up.

Clearly you'll be at the funeral, so perhaps a phone call/visit would be good, but the letter where you reflect on her life and their loss would be invaluable afterwards. People treasure such things because hardly anyone does this these days. Something to hold on to.

No, I wouldn't send a card etc. because it's your DH's family and his loss too - it would look odd if he sent a card, as though he didn't feel the loss, iyswim.

You could send one, depending on how close you were to your SIL and PILs - but not from your DH, that would be odd, I think.

And yes, very sorry to hear that your SIL has died, how awful. :(

Thank you for the support, been an awful few days, I may see how the funeral goes & then put something together afterwards for them.

What about a memorium plant/tree/star? Or is that too much?

I think you should ask your DH what he thinks, since it's his sister and he'll have a better insight into what his parents would like.

However, I would generally advise against plants on the principle that if they then die, it can e like a second loss, almost - obviously not on the same scale! - but still can be upsetting. Trees, usually less of a problem as more likely to survive, I suppose but still...

If you have pictures or memories of your SIL that your PILs don't have, putting a small album together of those might be a nice thing.

Thanks Thumbwitch, will speak to DH, I was looking for a rose last night, the one with her name is pink & flowery, as DH said, "not my sister"