I don't know where to start. I've been trying to write this for the last couple of months but keep giving up.... I have 3 daughters but 2 of them have died.
I lost my middle daughter Lauren 20 years ago when she was a few hours old. She had Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome which was undiagnosed during my pregnancy. Anyone who has lost a baby knows how heartbreaking it is
but my lovely Rebecca, who was 21 months old at the time, kept me going.... I had no choice but to get up every day and look after her. She needed me. Then 18 months later I had my third daughter Hannah and between them my two girls helped me to heal. The pain of losing Lauren has never gone away but it has got easier to live with. However, the truth of this is not helping me now the unthinkable has happened and I've lost another child.
My beautiful first born, 21 year old Rebecca was killed just over 6 months ago when a car ploughed into the bus stop she was standing at with her friend (who survived). The pain is indescribable and I can't believe that I won't ever see my lovely, bright funny girl again.
I can't see how I can have any sort of a life without her in it. I'm putting one foot in front of the other and taking one day at a time for my remaining daughter's sake but it's so hard and sometimes I just want to give up. People keep telling me I'm strong, that I got through it once before so I can do it again. But I don't know if I can, it's so much worse this time. I had 21 years with Rebecca and she was such a huge part of my life - it's just not fair, she didn't deserve to lose her life, she was such a lovely girl and had so much to look forward to. How do I even begin to live again? I'm just going through the motions now and that's all I can ever see me doing, but then I don't think I'm being fair to Hannah. She's suffering too and she's not only lost her sister/best friend but she's also lost the mother she should have.