what to write to bereaved colleague.

[hatwoman]

part of me thinks it's crass to ask you, but I'm hoping someone can make me feel confident enough to write something. the wife of a former colleague was killed in an accident - obviously a total shock. He has two children - and he was abroad for work when it happened. It's all too awful for words. the police aren't even sure what happened - they suspect a hit and run. what can I write?

I think it is important you do send a card/letter and write. Just keep it simple maybe - thinking of you at this sad time, etc.

If you know them well enough you could offer any help you can give.

Did you know her? If so you could add a memory of her so he and his children have an outsider's memory of their loved one.

HTH

Start off with something like

I am so sorry to hear of the death of xxxx (use her name) and if appropriate tell him how you heard .. ie I was so sorry to hear from xx of the death of xxx, we are thinking of you and your whole family and I just wanted to extend our heartfelt sympathy to you.

If you knew his wife acknowledge some memory of her or of her attributes ie she was particularly kind ... of even if you met her say I remember meeting her on xxx and she seemed to be yyyy.

Acknoweledge your colleagues strength and ability to deal with this loss .. or similar .. a

If you want to offer help be specific. "If there is anything I can do, please call" actually puts a burden on bereaved but a specific offer to help with shopping or kids is more appreciated.

End with a word of phrase or sympathy. Somehow, "sincerely," "love," don't quite make it. "You are in my thoughts and prayers." or "We share in your grief and send you our love." or "My affectionate respects to you and yours."

HTH

Start off with something like

I am so sorry to hear of the death of xxxx (use her name) and if appropriate tell him how you heard .. ie I was so sorry to hear from xx of the death of xxx, we are thinking of you and your whole family and I just wanted to extend our heartfelt sympathy to you.

If you knew his wife acknowledge some memory of her or of her attributes ie she was particularly kind ... of even if you met her say I remember meeting her on xxx and she seemed to be yyyy.

Acknoweledge your colleagues strength and ability to deal with this loss .. or similar .. a

If you want to offer help be specific. "If there is anything I can do, please call" actually puts a burden on bereaved but a specific offer to help with shopping or kids is more appreciated.

End with a word of phrase or sympathy. Somehow, "sincerely," "love," don't quite make it. "You are in my thoughts and prayers." or "We share in your grief and send you our love." or "My affectionate respects to you and yours."

I just needed this for a friend's mother - thankyou twiglet for helping!

Twiglet, that was lovely. So thoughtful. I'll be looking back at this when I have to write a sympathy card next. It's hard to know what to say but you've hit the nail on the head.