Feeling like there's just nothing left

[warmgingerbread]

Perhaps this should be in 'mental health' but one thing I am certain of is that I don't want or need pills and my gp is about as much use as a chocolate fire guard anyway!

My dad died, suddenly and unexpectedly, in May. I was 32 then - am 33 now - and I just feel so lost. Initially I coped well: I organised the funeral and assured people I was ok and carried on with work. I relocated to be close to my brother (he is lovely but has Aspergers) and life carried on as 'normal.'

Except I don't feel normal and I just feel so completely alone. I don't have a partner: I never have, I think a lot of this is down to having lost my mum when I was 16. I think my late teens were just made up with grief and supporting Dad. This became a sort of habit and when I wanted a partner I struggled as most people are matched. I've tried Od but never got anywhere.

I'm having counselling but it's too late. I feel like the groundwork for a happy life should have happened in teens and twenties - husband and home and so on - now I didn't do that. And I know a lot of people didn't meet partners until their 30s but they'd had relationships at least.

Without my dad I have no one to turn to. My friends are lovely but they obviously have their own lives. Sometimes I just want to die - just stop my life as it feels so pointless.

Sorry for this long thread.

I'm so sorry you're going through all this. I just wanted to say that although it's a truism, it's never too late. You really are still so young and you now know the things you would like in your life I think so perhaps during the counselling you could also include work on how to positively change things in your life (if necessary) in order to work to get them? Please don't feel as though anything is too late xx

Thanks but I'm trying - it's as if the more I try to convince myself it isn't too late the more I realise it is. I know that sounds topsy turvy.

I am really sorry to hear of your situation. I lost a beloved parent age 27 and have only a minimal relationship with my other parent.

I highly recommend individual counselling and the book 'When Parents Die' by Rebecca Abrams. Also look at material from the child bereavement charities, as you were bereaved as a child. There has been a lot of work done in this area, look up 'Child Bereavement Network'.

In terms of timescales I was another person for about two years, deeply affected for the first five and then things gradually got better.

It seems difficult to believe it, but you do heal.

Thanks. I am having counselling at the moment but I'm not sure ... I want to move forwards but I just honestly truthfully don't think it is possible. Too much has happened and gone wrong and it can't be put right.

I just feel so desperately alone.

gingerbread, please don't give up on yourself, or on life. Things can change. 33 is not old. You have time to learn and enjoy and make mistakes and feel part of the world.