Colleague's funeral

[rennyrenoir]

I went to a close colleague's (well, she was more of a friend) funeral last week. It was so, so sad as she leaves behind two little boys but also very beautiful. I know her husband well and also know how worried he was beforehand - he was concerned it was all going to go smoothly and whether he had made the right music and reading choices etc.

Is it appropriate to email him and say how lovely it was but also acknowledge the fact that it was desperately sad too? I would like to reassure him and make contact so that he knows I am thinking about him.

So sorry about your friend. Life can be very cruel.

I thought my dad's funeral was perfect. I was incredibly sad yes, but my mother and the family friend who led the service made it feel like a true reflection of my father and his life. I found that a comfort and would be delighted to know that others there felt the same.

I think he'll be pleased to hear how you felt, maybe even proud that he got this last thing "right" for his wife. He will also appreciate knowing you are still thinking of him and his wife even though the funeral is over. Many bereaved people feel forgotten once the funeral has happened, this would show him he is not.

I agree with OutDamnSpot, I think it would be a very kind and thoughtful thing to do.

So sorry for the loss of your friend

Thank you for your replies. I will definitely tell him. I would really like to ask him for a copy of the tributes too - his words and what was said by the vicar about her life. Do you think that is weird, slightly morbid request?

I learnt a lot about her that I didn't know from listening to his tribute and the vicar's 'run down' of her life. And as is often the case on these occasions I didn't take it all in at the time.

I don't think it would be at all weird or morbid to ask for a copy of the tributes. It's part of your grieving for your colleague and wanting to know more about her and think of her. So sorry for your loss and for your colleague's family.

Yes please write to him. My son's funeral was in February. He was only 18. So many people write before his funeral and after it. They told me how beautiful the service was, what a tribute it was to my son. I re-read all those letters. They give me some comfort. I have no more time left with my son, these letters give me some connection with my son and others who loved him.

But please write a card/letter rather than an email.

Yes a lovely card that's hand written instead of an email.

Maybe in a week or twos time also. Being bereaved can feel very lonely n tge weeks after the funeral when people go back to their lives. But a card through the letter box does make a difference.

So sorry about your friend.

Yes it would be a lovely thing to do and I know by experience it would mean a lot to him to know he 'did right by her' as regards the funeral.

Send a handwritten note though.

So, so sorry for your loss Minmooch. Thank you for your advice. I see her husband quite regularly so might just say I thought it was a beautiful service.

I think my wish to have a copy of the tributes is definitely part of my grieving process. I can't explain exactly how but maybe it has something to do with wanting to feel closer to my friend and not wanting to forget her.

A couple of people asked for a copy of the eulogy I wrote for my lovely Nan. I was deeply chuffed that they were going to read it and think of her :)

I still have cards sent to me after my husband died and after the funeral. One friend wrote a poem. That was wonderful and yes the paper form is the best.

After my son's funeral last year I had lots of messages from people who said how beautiful Paddy's funeral was. It was nice to get them.

I agree with min mooch though, hand written letter or card rather than email or text. Better still, drop in some time and take something for the boys. Anything to distract is helpful.

My dad had a "good" funeral last month. It was the last thing we could do for him so important it was right. The chap who did the service posted us a copy of what he had said and the music we had picked. He said it would be good to keep and look back on.
I would go with a handwritten card too.

I treasure the letters/cards I received after my DH's funeral commenting on how much it reflected the man he was. Please do, it helps.