Please can you tell me that I'm not going crazy and my behaviour is somewhere close to normal?
My beautiful wonderful Mum died last November at 61 after fighting ovarian cancer for nearly 3 years. During that time she lost her younger sister, my beloved aunt, to a heart attack. So we went from being a happy, complete family to being broken and devastated by their deaths.
I was with my Mum when she died and I thought I was coping ok. But yesterday it was my birthday, the first one without Mum. I was really dreading it and proceeded to have loads of booze at lunch which led to me making a total fool of myself in front of my in-laws and then having a ridiculous fight with my DH in front of my 3 year old DS. Not proud.
She is everywhere I go and everything I think about. All I want in this world is to see her and talk to her and have her here again. It isn't getting easier with time - if anything it's getting worse. I find it almost impossible to feel joyful about anything and I want to know if this will ever end, will I ever be able to take pleasure in anything again?