Bereavement counselling years later

[DorisIsALittleBitPartial]

I've been meaning to post this for a few weeks now but had a meltdown over the weekend and it's time to do it. I hope someone can help.
DM died about 12 years ago. I was an immature mummy's girl and did not handle it well. I was in a bit of a state but I knew I had to be kind to myself to get through it. Close friends at the time were worried about how I would cope and said that they were surprised at how strong I was, but I didn't feel it at the time.
DF died nearly 3 years ago. I didn't know how ill he was. From diagnosis to dying was about 3 months. Actually, he phoned me on my 40th birthday to tell me he was terminally ill. We'd had our issues over the years, but I was with him when he passed away. He took a breath and I held mine waiting for him to exhale but he never did.
I have been on AD since. I have no close family. I have muddled on but my grief won't go away. This weekend I had a complete meltdown over something that should have been funny and made me smile but instead it reduced me to tears.
DH has been saying all along that I should have counselling but I don't know whether it will help. I've done a counselling course myself and know how they work and think it will be pointless. But something has to give.

Is there someone there that can give me some guidance please?

Everybody is different so some people might find counselling, even years later, to be useful or even life changing. Other people like me didn't find that it helped at all.

If I were you I would either share all your innermost thoughts here or with a counsellor just to see how you get on.

Thank you for your reply Pudding. The morning after posting I messaged the local bereavement service and understand I need to get a referral from my GP and I have an appointment with her tomorrow. I have no idea whether I will benefit but I know I need to try something to allow me to move on. I think I just have a lot I need to offload. Thanks again.

hope the counselling helps op, it is very hard

Oh Doris, I could have written your op. My DM died 29 years ago, 6 weeks after the birth of my first child.

I have not dealt with it, toyed with the idea of counselling over the years but don't think it will help me.

I would be interested to hear how you get on with counselling and please have some unmumsnetty ((((((hugs)))))) from me. xx

I'm sorry you're struggling so much OP.

I say go for counselling. There's no time limit on grief and missing someone you love.