Motherless daughters

[queencori]

Tonight I went to a meetup group called 'The sisterhood of motherless daughters' inspired by the book by Hope Eldenham. The group was aimed at women who lost their mothers before the age of 21. I am
so pleased to finally meet other women I can connect with , who understand where I am and how it feels to go through life like this. I've been alone with thus for so long , I've feel like I've found 'my people'

newrecruit I look at 19 year olds so can i figure just where i was 'at ' when my mum died.
time I tend to think more about my loss, rather thinking about my mother as such. When she died i was just entering young adult hood, we had aa difficult relationship during my teens , nothing was ever resolved. - I also have a tendency to over commit to friendships, but now as ive been hurt by former friends, i tend to be very wary .As a result I am socially isolated. Its not that I think im unlikeable it s more that i think that people dont need me because they have there families for support ( i know this may not actually be true)

at different times of my life ive been able to deal with the loss and its just been a apart of who I am. I think being married and having kids did definelty help me have the sense of family I lost when i was 19. My family netowrk disintergrated at that time and now realising that they are toxic I am mostly Nc ( they do live on the other side of the world so the NC is easy). However my marriage broke down about 5 years ago, and at the same time i lost some close friendship and even though my ex and i are still good friends I am struggling again with loss and anxiety again. I knew from reading the book at milestone moments ie babies etc that the loss is more spparent but I didnt know about the feelings of abandonment id feel even when i was the one leaving the relationship. The ladies i met up with on Saturday pointed that out so i think i need to start look at the book again.

By the way, if any of you guys are based in London and fancy coming along to one of these meetups inbox me and iLl give you the details. I think the next one will be in Novemeber

Queen, I really relate to what you say about losing your mom at 19. I felt like my mom and I were starting to develop a friendship and leaving some of the issues from my teens behind. I feel sad that I never got to fully experience that.

My dad married my mom's best friend about eighteen months after my mom died. I really struggled with that and I felt very angry and abandoned, as an only child.

On the one hand, I have a great relationship with my stepmom and my dad now, and I know how much they both really love me, and that my stepmom loved my mom. But I also see how my stepmom interacts with my stepsisters and I feel sad that I don't have someone with whom I can share the same closeness. It doesn't help that I don't live in my home country, so I feel even more separated from my mom and my former life.

I'm going to read that book.
I lost my mum when I was 4. I often wonder how different I would have been had she lived. I think it's life changing losing a parent so young.

i am going to retread it too. I expect it to be a bit emotional and I am worried about that . I am realising I that I need to grieve for all the associated losses as well. I might start a thread on here to share my feelings as I read throug it.

Late to this thread but thanks for recommending the book. I lost my mum when I was 16, father unknown. Felt a lot of pressure to be fine, and only realising now that I'm nearly as old as my mum was and my children are growing up that I'm not, really.

That's such a hard age to lose your mum, Shnitzel, particularly as your dad was not around either. It sounds like you did well to cope. Maybe now you are older and maybe a bit more secure in your life it's ok to look back and acknowledge how hard it was, and to allow yourself to feel those feelings. Hugs to you.