Can't sleep

[gingerhobo48]

When I close my eyes I see my late sister intubated and on life support.She died last weds.We were not close I guess that could be relevant but I feel like a zombie, numb and raw.The funeral won't be for weeks and I'm hoping those images will begin to fade.I don't have any recent, happy, living memories to draw upon.It's just all such a shock, I received a phone call just over 2 weeks ago and have been up the hospital every day since.

I have the same memories that you have about my sister, but for me is now a long time ago, you will never forget but eventually you will be able to cope and it will not take up your every waking moment. It is a horrible time to go through and you have all my sympathy at this very sad time . Give yourself time to grieve and accept your loss. Don't feel you have to put a brave face on things, very often the siblings get overlooked and all the sympathy goes to the parents, but the siblings have also suffered a devastating loss. I hope you have RL help and support.

Thank you mummylin, I have RL support, but no parents and a fractured relationship with other family members which is adding to my stress.

I really feel for you, I remember being so devastated when we lost our sister, she was the youngest of six of us and was 26 yrs old and expecting her second baby. It was so hard. I remember thinking such irrational thoughts, such as she wasn't here to see a lovely day, was she scared and how alone she must feel in the cemetery.but with time we all accepted what had happened, we had no choice really. She left a dh and a little girl of 2 yrs old, who has grown to be such a lovely person and the spitting image of her mum, my sister would of been so proud of her.
I am sorry that there is no family to support you, maybe cruse would help you, although I didn't go down that road as there were still 5 of us siblings and we helped each other.
Were you the eldest sister or the youngest ? Are there anymore siblings ?

Hi, I'm a middle child, there are 6 of us altogether.She was the eldest and was 62.I only have contact with one of my brothers.My other sister is on holiday and doesn't know and it will be down to me to tell her, although I may need my DH with me for support.She is back this week.My brother has been great as has my husband but I think he expects life to go on semi normally it's weird.They didn't have any children which was very sad.Prior to finding out about her being in hospital I hadn't seen her for about 5 years.I had my reasons but I still feel guilt.

How strange, there were six of us too , three of each and my sister was the youngest. You don't need to feel any guilt, things happen in families and sometimes it's better to stay apart, but it's not your fault that your sister has died.
I do think that some people around you do tend to think you are fine after a week or two, whilst we who have been bereaved know that's not the case. I actually found this very difficult when I lost my mum, and still do.
I hope you will learn to accept what has happened and be able to move forward, but it's very very early days and acceptance dosent happen. Overnight.

My sister died on 2nd Sept aged 34. She had a short but debilitating illness and I was with her when she died. I can't sleep either. I wake in the night worrying about her and I have a film constantly playing in my head of what happened. We were very close and I miss her dreadfully. I keep seeing her in crowds, or going to text her. I can't seem to accept that this has really happened.

Hello kaypea I am sorry you are going through this awful time too. I remember the early days well, and it's almost like its unbelievable . I would wake in the mornings and feel normal then a minute later it would come rushing back. But you need time to do your grieving, don't do what I did and bottle it up, I had my mum staying with me so tried to be strong when everyone around was falling to bits, but it caught up with me after ten months and had to go on anti depressants and take a lot of time off work. I am so sorry for your loss.

Thank you. It is so hard. x

It will be for a while, but I promise you it will get better eventually, but there is no time limit for this, just take each day as it comes but do look after yourself.

Hi Kaypea, I am experiencing something a little similiar.I keep seeing people who could be like my sister in crowds, similiar shape, hair colour.It must be awful for you as you were close.When I lost my MIL who was like a mum to me, my grief overwhelmed me because I went from seeing her everyday(I was her main carer) to nothing.I was totally lost, I didn't know what to do with myself.I feel so much guilt around my sister as we were estranged and I hadn't seen her for 5 years.Where normally you would have memories of good times shared or photo's to help you through those early dark days, I don't have that, so where all I can see is how I last saw her, that is all I have.
I went to my Drs last night.He thinks I have a trauma type thing and has given me a contact for bereavement counselling which I will take up as I really need to talk to someone about this.Mummylin is right, don't bottle it up.He has also prescribed a relaxant and sleeping pills which I am going to try in the short term as I need to be able to 'function' better for my kids.It is very early days, my Dr was suprisingly lovely, I cried at just how lovely he was for validating my feelings.