I´m so sorry for your loss.
Firsts are hard, first Christmas, anniversary, birthday etc and I know that my world has stopped whilst everyone else ´s world is still turning so well. A year is no time at all for grief, grief takes the time it needs there is no time limit on it. The only hope I can offer you, is not that the hole gets smaller - I don´t think it does but it does get easier to side step it, the good memories eventually come without the tears and the pain becomes less like a raw weeping wound and more tolerable, you take all the time you need.
I remember the feeling of not losing the love of my life, but of losing my life. It was like I barely existed for a long long time, to see everyone else happy it was like body blow after body blow, it seemed so unfair. I felt angry and like I was bleeding and nothing would every be right again, like I would never feel whole again, that other people were building new memories that I (we) would never get a chance at, that life had cheated me out of happiness.
It does get better, you will find yourself laughing and smiling again (I know at the moment that seems impossible), but it a long and winding road and it takes a long time to walk it, and I certainly felt like I was walking it alone carry a burden I could barely bare on a never ending up hill path. You are not alone, there are other people that understand and whilst we can not do much to easy to your pain we can offer a shoulder to cry on a tissue (or a thousand) and a hand to hold.
Would you like to talk about your DH?
I am so sorry that you are going through this.